I was reading this post by the Satorialist about how gentlemen should behave and the virtues of grace. It's really great to see so many men out there who take the time to show the ladies in their life just how special they are. It doesn't matter if she's your wife, mother or daughter. All these small gestures that indicate how in tune you are to their needs and subtle wants, show how much you care for them. Trust me, they will appreciate you more this way.
I'm hoping my brother would find the time to view all the comments because God knows how much I want him to grow up to be a charming gentleman. Full of poise, good humour and graceful manners. I know he doesn't need much work, he is raised by such wonderful people after all, but it would be good to remind him that it's not just about 'Please' and 'Thank Yous'.
Oh and I would like to say how thankful i am to get my own gentleman. Small things like cleaning my workspace for me without being patronising and stocking up my fridge with all the goodies I love like dark chocolates and sweet cherries. All without me asking. :)
I remember my auntie telling me how she doesn't understand why some couples have to be sooo attached at the hip and just have their love lives fizzle and fade after a few years into the marriage. She said, 'look at your parents, still holding hands until now. But look at F and L who don't even walk next to each other anymore. They used to be inseparable!'.
And then I thought of how my parents were one of those couples in Uni who were never seen apart. Yeah. They were apparently inseparable too, according to their friends. But here they are, 26 years on, holding hands in public, getting gifts for each other and having bfast or dinner together without the kids.
It still works no? She makes him tea without him asking. He needs her by his side on weekend mornings. They have this deep understanding for each other and to this day, it amazes me that they're still so sweet with each other. Alhamdulillah.
Another thing I thought was why does one have to dispense what they really feel just because they don't want to feel disappointed when it doesn't last in the long run? I think it's much better to act the way you feel than postpone it or supress it to avoid bitterness in the future. Who knows if you'll get it or not? Allah can tarik balik anytime so might as well make the most of it while you can.
Oh and I don't think your partner should JUST be made up of sensible things. Like how they're dependable or adored by the parents. I don't think you should base your preference solely on that. Correction: you should if that's what floats your boat but I WON'T. What I want (and I believe I've explained this to you readers time and time again) is someone who, whenever I see or think of, makes me tingle from my scalp to my toes. I can feel love oozing into every blood vessel. When you're in love with someone, you don't just want to have intellectual conversations or watch blockbuster movies. You want to sit in silence and enjoy the warmth that radiates from their smooth skin. You want to hum your favourite songs while the wind blows through their sweet smelling tresses. You want to hear them laugh that cute laugher at all the jokes you make. You want to steal glances and offer hidden smiles while queing for food at opposite ends of the room.
I would just like to demonstrate to you how moodswings work. Notice previous post and the lethargy that ensued the following day. Now see this huge grin on my face today, a product of a cute conversation with mother dearest (she was laughing at why I'm not matured and yet not at home in her arms) and today's outing with the boy (who kept making me see my strong points) where I finally got a planner and Boost juice yay!
Aaaannnd this: Ngahahahahaha. Now that demonstrates how much I look like her. Trust me when I say, my moodswings are also from her. Muahaha. But she's better now, that's for sure. :D Something about transsumthin meditation..hoho. Oh and I still wear that shirt to go out. It's comfy!
As you can see. I'm absolutely chipper. A far cry from the weekend's sobfest. But let's not celebrate too early yeah. Another thing about moodswings is that it'll flip back anyyytime..:D
Okay. My bowels are doing the fandango. And I'm watching Elle Woods. So Toodles!
I started 2010 by reading this year's blog posts. It was pretty interesting to note how much I TRIED to be positive but I always sunk back down to reality. Oh, and it was really nice to read everyone's comments and their support for me. I'm so thankful I've got so many friends who love me and right about now, I'm filled with guilt at neglecting these friendships. :(
I thought I'd give a rundown on the highlights of this year. The ups AND the downs. But I'll try to lean heavily on the happier side of life k? :)
February: THIS post. Because it reflects how I view myself in terms of relationships. And also because of the solid advice my friends doled out. Especially my Llama. :D
A little bit of soul searching with mummy and her friend Kris. And also a newfound way of seeing Garuda. Oh and this quote: "In general, one's purpose is so closely aligned to one's life in general so as to be unnoted and unremarkable. It's the ego that demands the Headline Purpose." I have to keep reminding myself this.
March: Hawa's birthday, a confession that changed my life and THIS letter to my friends. I still stand by my word. If you need me, I'm there. :)
April: My reprieve to Bowral. I'm still in love with that place. :) Ifan came over. Lots of Sabbytime! :D And the wonderful discovery of Zumbo macarons.
May: My fave comic of all time. No, its not Gaiman. It's Zek's! :D THIS post. Not really coz of the content but coz all the comments made my mom laugh for days.
July: Where things started to take a turn for the better. That's when I realised I had fallen in love. :) I also have a post about my brother in the drafts section. I love him to bits and pieces. :D
August: Mummy laid out some choices for me in the future. She truly is amazing and supportive. Love you!
October: This was probably the climax of the year. Wrapping up honours and contemplating my current relationship.
December: I left Sydney. :( My Llama got MARRIED. How crazy is that? :D Also had intense family bonding in Jakarta and Bandung. Auntie Ria and Uncle Irwan are awesome! :D
So that wraps everything up. Hopefully this year would be better in terms of work or studies. I'm praying that my penultimate (does returning for grad count?) return from Sydney sinks in better and comes with less complaints. :D
I would like to take this opportunity to extend my apologies to you for all the things that I have done that might have hurt you whether with intention or otherwise.
I know I may have not been the best of friends with most of you this year. I might have retreated further into my shell than I had intended to. Thank you though, for sticking by. I might have also been too busy floating amongst the clouds, blamed for getting caught up in the whirlwind of sweet romance. I don't apologise for falling in love, but I do apologise for neglecting certain friendship duties and for discarding former company.
Perhaps I should have worked harder in maintaining that cheerful rapport we used to share. Or perhaps I should have just dropped the occasional 'Hi, wat's up dawg?' in the inbox. Perhaps I should have called more often to convey my feelings of gratitude for loving me, even if by default.
All these 'perhaps' will not do me any good. As the year draws to a close, I feel the impending urge to re-strengthen these bonds. To reel back in lost comrades, victims of my carefree and selfish attitude. To at least show those who have really stuck by, how much they mean to me. :)
Another day spent at home. I've GOT to lose this massive bulk around my waist. It came out of nowhere, I swear! It crept up on me 2 nights ago. The lack of water intake has finally caught up with me.
Oh and pms. I've been pms-ing for a week. Sore boobies and all. You'd think I'd start bleeding now. Jeez. Ok sorry. I'm just sliiiiightly agitated.
Apparently my brother likes sexy girls. Hahahaha. Ok, what guy DOESN'T like sexy girls? But of course, these sexy girls are the ones who play around and fall for bad boys. My brother may be vain and a poser but he ain't nasty. I'd rather him go for cute n slightly sexy girls rather than all out raawwrr sexy girls. Why? I don't know. I like imposing my authority on him. :D
Maybe because he once fell for one of these girls and she left him hanging while she went off with other guys. Then she came back crying to him. Wtf. Apparently she's nice. When she's alone and not with her clique. Right. 16 year olds will always act the same whichever era they're in.
Anywaaayyyy. Enough about my brother. I need to go on a diet. Pronto. But...the scrumptious risoles are calling my name from the fridge. Maybe I should PRETEND to be depressed and sad so I'll stop eating.
This post isn't really positive is it? It's still emo isn't it? Crap. Ok I think I should stop now. :B
I just watched that trailer alone in the room. Twice. Both times I had fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.
Yes. A lot can happen in 12 months. I'm praying to God our feelings never change. I'm praying to God I still have you and that you'll come back to me. I'm sure you're praying I won't leave. I'm praying to God I won't. Because you never know who would say no but I'm keeping our favourite movies as inspiration to stay strong.
At this moment I'm a mess. Physically, emotionally and mentally. My estrogen levels are plummeting rapidly and I just want to sleep. But my anxiety levels keep elevating as each minute passes and my discussion warrants my attention.
Now, if only my mother could come up with a cup of coffee and a nice warm hug. If only she could just look at me and tell me, "Shaheera, just a little bit more sayang. Mummy knows you can do it." Crap. I'm sure you guys know what I'm doing now so off I go to calm myself down.
And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I happen to get both diarrhoea and bloating/gas at the same time. Woes me. I don't know if I'm hungry or I just need to fart or I need to use the loo. Make up yer mind matey!
Oh, I have also discovered that Sudoku calms my nerves and deactivates my emotional response to things. Pretty good when you're about to unleash 10 000 tears. Or melt into a pool of anger, fear and sweat. :P
Children's tears may seem like they're worth alot. Hands up who hasn't given in looking into those pools substituting as eyes? Thought so. But do remember, they can switch these things on and off to get what they want. The moment they achieve their goals, it's all sunshine and they leave you in the dust. And trust me, there's mooooreee where that came from. They forget the last time you rewarded them and are able to call upon all the times you've denied their requests. Tsk tsk. Let's take a moment of silence and grieve for all the parents out there. Especially my own. Har Har.
I want to go and do my thesis somewhere else. Some cafe that would allow me to stay for long hours and order cake and coffee. And where noone I know will walk in and distract me. Any suggestions would be good, please and thank you!
Everyone's been asking me why I haven't blogged since early September. Maybe it's because the only things I'd rather share with everyone is how sucky honours is and how much I wish I could finish fast. But that would be boring and predictable wouldn't it?
Everything else I'd rather not share because it's too personal and laughter might be at hand when viewing those thoughts. Or sarcasm. Or a morbid desire to punch me in the gut.
But here I am, just telling the world that I'm still alive and kicking. Actually, my dad made me put this up. Don't ask me why. I couldn't care less if the rest of the world thought I disappeared.
Okla. If u want updates, here they are: I got to talk to n take pics with Reza Salleh. :D I've been gorging on Raya food and home cooked meals and now my jeans are UBER (ngeh ngeh) tight. The word 'family' keeps resonating in my head much to Hawa's chagrin. I'm in love.
Anyhoo. I'll end this with an 80s flashback. Come on, you know it's the real reason you want me to update kan? huh huh huh.
It's such a beautiful day today. It's been really sunny lately. I have this HUGE urge to just change into a pair of shorts and read out on the lawn. But of course there's work overdue.
My mom wrote a letter to me on her blog. It made me weep. Sometimes I wonder too if I really deserve all this praise. I know I take so many things for granted and I know deep down inside, I'm not really THAT nice, smart or great. Maybe people misunderstand what they see. I don't know if I'm really all that special after all. Oh Well.
For the record, Mummy, you're an AWESOME mother. More than great. Please don't ask for forgiveness from me, for it is I who should be asking for forgiveness from you. I'm sorry if I have ever in any way let you down.
Now. I have to prove myself worthy of her love by carrying out what I promised her I'd do. I love you mummy. I'm blessed to have been spawned from you. (hahahaha...sorry the word 'spawned' reminds me of frogs).
I was so semangat doing another run for my biofilms when I fell sick halfway through. I kept shivering in lab, my bottom half felt like it was about to unscrew itself and my head was as heavy as lead. So I went home and let the fever consume me.
Thanks to my friends, I'm feeling better now. :D
I'm still coughing though. Like heavy, congested coughs filled with phlegm. And my throat is uber itchy. Come scratch me? :P The phlegm tastes like how recently photocopied paper smells.
Last night mamochka gave me a loooong motivational speech. She's so cute. I miss her so much. Thank you mummy, I love you!
When you tell some people that they're good at something, they start believing and embracing that trait. That's all well and good when they actually ARE good at it. It gives them the motivational push to be who they're meant to be. But what if they're not actually that good to begin with? Like what if we were only being supportive and not 100% honest? Somehow, the word embarrassing comes to mind. And disillusioned.
Today started off good. I hope it stays this way til the day wraps up. :)
You know, one good thing that comes out of being mostly sad, angry and/or stressed is that even miniscule good events make you happy. Like sleeping in or having a stranger smile and say hello. It makes you appreciate the tiny things more I suppose.
Or, I could just be experiencing moodswings that will tip back to bi*ch mode soon enough. Juuuust Kidding! :D
Hey you, do you have someone you love that you haven't talked to for ages? Go ahead, give them a call. Ask them how they are, make them laugh and tell them you were thinking of them and just wanted to tell them you love them. Works wonders. For the BOTH of you. :) If you have more time or effort, write a letter or a postcard. Handwritten stuff is worth more than emails. ;)
Sitting on the soft grass, blanketed by the warm sun. The light is that gorgeous yellow I always rave about but never manage to retain in photographs. I wish for thousands (millions?) more of this kind of sunshine in my lifetime. The gentle breeze and a cup of coffee tops the ice cream of bliss. :)
Alhamdulillah, this week was filled with plenty of lab time n classes. Momentum is getting better and hopefully next week will be as good or better. I'm going to concentrate on unwinding today till midday tomorrow. Then it's back to work. Wish me luck!
Oh, btw, my mom has a blog. I showed it to some of my friends and they said that we both write the same way. Even my dad n brother said the same thing. I really think I'm turning out to be more like her. I pray that when the time comes, I'll be as great a mother as she is. I love you mummy. You've been an AWESOME role model! Happy Mother's Day while I'm at it. :P
I think I'm in love with Bowral. These 2 days have been much needed. You have no idea how much affection I'm filled with for all these people I just met.
Opa Sutanto and Oma Jill's house is so cozy and the view is gorgeous! They've got so many beautiful flowers and trees and the house is situated at the top of the hill. You can actually hear the cows mooing in the pasture below. :D
Tante Trace's house is also awesome. She's got a huge plot and her house is filled to the brim with crafts. I swear it's like a museum!
The town itself is very lovely with its quaint shops and numerous cafes.
There was another Indonesian family staying over for the weekend there. Tante Tuti, Om Dodi and their 2 kids, Sarita and Desi. They're such wonderful people and they all made me feel so welcome there. It didn't feel like I just met then for the first time. They even gave me a lift back home. Hee Hee.
Because I helped out with some of the housework and because the food we got was neverending, it seriously felt like home to me. And the people were so nice. Sigh. I should've accepted their invitation last year. At least I could've destressed better then.
This trip is probably the highest point of the past month or so. Even if it was only on the weekend and with people I barely know. And you know what? This is the ONLY reason that makes putting on weight justifiable. You know, like going home? Man, I miss my own Oma.
If you know doing something makes someone happy, you should continue doing it right? Hmm.
Oh how I wish my mother was here. Oh crud. She's so going to call me sounding all worried now. Meh.
Anyway. Must. Be. Positive. Highlights of the week so far:
1. Eating at Bourke St Bakery and traipsing around Surry Hills with Sibrena and Jamsiah. Ah, fulfilled tummy and soul. 2. Getting confirmation that I'll be my bestie's Maid of Honour! So excited to be part of her special day. :D 3. Um. Yeah. That's it. What? It's only Friday!
Man. Where's my Mortal Wombat when I need it? I want to bury my head into it's furry belly and sleep. Ngahahaha sounds disturbing.
ps: sorry for the lack of posts. I haven't been really inspired lately. Toods.
Funny how watching a cute guy can make you chipper for the rest of the day. Thanks Hawa for sharing your new Youtube obsession! :D
You know what I love? Friendships that aren't one sided. I'm so sorry to those who think they've been shortchanged by me but I have to say that I'm very lucky to have some pretty awesome friends. I love listening to your problems as much as I am grateful that you listen to mine. I love it when you come by my room even when it's messy because I always drop by at yours. I love it when you share random stuff with me and accept all the nonsense I make you read and watch.
And I miss my little sanggana cham cham. Everytime I watch Russel Peters I think of you, kid. Take it, and GO.
I now type psycho as spycho and am dancing crazily to 3Oh!3. Word.
Okay I'm sorry. I took the earlier post down because I felt so guilty after my mom called me.
My cousin, Khalil passed away this morning due to an asthma attack. He wasn't even 30 yet. His family is of course devastated.
My mom told me how heart wrenching it was to watch his mom cry over his dead body and how even my dad who NEVER cries, eventually did. It was also sweet to hear that all my mom's siblings came down/up to Solat Jenazah.
It just sends chills up my spine to know that he's just a few years older than me and it seems that more people from my demographic are dying due to diseases everyday. So please, take care of yourselves ok?
My mom asked me last night, "How come your blog ni, one day so chirpy and then next day so encouraging and then suddenly so dark?"
I replied, "Mummy, hidup ini bagaikan roda. Kadang2 kat atas, kadang2 kat bawah." At which point I burst out laughing. That ayat was stolen from Fini because she loves reciting it in the weirdest of contexts.
This IS a personal blog. If Dirah wears her heart on her sleeve, I wear mine on my blog. (lame).
Anyway, Omigod, I just saw some pictures from the Taste of Sydney festival. I would really love to go to these sort of events because I think it would be an awesome culinary experience. Sydney's food culture is something I'd thoroughly miss when I'm back home. (Although we DO have our own fabulous food culture). However, being a Muslim, it's a bit hard to indulge in all the samples because they're obviously NOT halal. I'm pretty sure I can get away with sampling some of the desserts and vegetarian or seafood stuff but come on! It would be SUCH a waste to not try the Wagyu Beef Bourguignonne’ with Truffled Cauliflower and Onion Rings or the Loin and Crumbed Belly of Lamb with Basil Mayonnaise and a tomato olive jus. It's okay if these events had free entry so I wouldn't feel so shortchanged but they don't. Or do they? Hmm...
But you know what? I think I'll just try going to the Good Food & Wine Show somewhere later this year. I know I'll never get that chance once I'm back in the Motherland. I should add it to MY bucket list. Who wants to join me? (I can hear Sab volunteering enthusiastically from here). And I shall quell the perceptions of not being able to enjoy the food/exhibitions just because I can't have meat/pork/alcohol.
Crud. Now I'm getting all excited way ahead of schedule. Hee Hee.
Oh and to those who are concerned, my appetite has returned. Probably due to the onset of my pre-period routine. And also the fact that my friends cook wonderful meals. :D
A dash of Disney, a sprinkle of pop punk, lashings of sweet treats, a pinch of superheroes, bundles of laughter and a tinge of crankyness.
All wrapped up in a pretty package that resembles the Cookie Monster.
Also self proclaimed Princess of Le Cupcake Kingdom
People I love. Music. Sweet treats. Singing animals. Movies. Princes. Books. Fables. Hindustan Heroes.
Sinks my Ship
Rude people working in hospitality and sales. Long queues. Idiots CUTTING long queues. People who Patronise.
Wishlist
To finally figure out what I'm meant to do. To travel the world. To eat anything without gaining ungodly amounts of weight. To get my happily ever after. :)
Ngahahahahaha. Now that demonstrates how much I look like her. Trust me when I say, my moodswings are also from her. Muahaha. But she's better now, that's for sure. :D Something about transsumthin meditation..hoho. Oh and I still wear that shirt to go out. It's comfy!
That's at Tante Trace's house. It's HUGE!
Eating Vietnamese Pho Noodles as Entree.
The view from the house. The cows are there somewhere. :)
Om nom nom nom.
Everyone say cheese!
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