I'm a box of crayons. I am white, red, yellow and blue.
This post burst forth from a combination of reading old posts and a nice chat with May as we waited for our samples to run on the Electrophoresis gel.
For the past two years of being in Sydney, I've had the wonderful opportunity to be part of two different 'families'. Remember how I used to rant on about how they mean the world to me, how much love I feel for them and etc. Well you see, this year, I've stopped believing in this fantasy.
Not to say it doesn't exist. Of course it does. Just not in my life. Not anymore. It seems like a fantastic notion to hold on to. The same people forming tight bonds meeting up every weekend and expelling affection towards each other over simple things like breakfast and dinner.
May said that even if that were to happen now, which it did a while back, the feelings aren't the same anymore. I agree. I can't place my finger on what exactly it is. Perhaps we've outgrown our family. Like how kids embrace their independence once they're old enough to flee the coop. Maybe we've just outgrown each other, finding comfort in other things, like studies, new families and new hobbies. And no, just 2-3 people does not constitute a 'family'. There's a reason why it worked out well with 8 people. Because you don't concentrate on 1 person for long periods of time and coz everyone's different.
It does hurt actually to see this happening. As much as people make fun of me, it's still hard to stop being such a sap when it comes to this thing. Having people to love and be loved is just something I HAVE to have. It's part of me.
It's okay I think. I'm going to be fine. I'm still here if you need me. I've still got a lot of love to give you. Just stop by and ask okay? I think I've learned to look for love in different places now. New friends, thank you. I've set up new routines that fill up old cracks in the soul. Pancakes on weekends, dinnertime together and grocery shopping with my house mates. In a way, they've saved me. :) Thank you.
My house mates ate Veal yesterday. :(. I usually scoop up some sauce to taste but I didn't even touch the plate. Double :(.
Audrey freaked me out by telling me gory stories about Chinese delicacies. Like how in order to obtain fresh duck feet, the chef makes the ducks walk on a hot slab of stone (or whatever) and cut off their feet once it looks cooked. Alive. Oh and how you eat monkey brains from monkeys buried in the sand. Alive. The rest of us twisted our faces into agony and screeched 'That's Cruel!'.
Zek says I'm more prone to being cranky this year. Man. I hope that isn't true. I really really don't want to be known as Miss CrankyPants (except by my besties who have ingrained this perception in their minds for almost the past 10 years).
But I do wonder why actually. Why I sometimes feel sad. And so tired. Why I collect all the sorrow and stress and douse it on myself so that I have a reason to be dark and moody. Its not that I've had something so traumatic plague my life. I just don't feel happy.
Nah, actually, I do have happy moments. I guess I just forget them easily and let my stress and frustrations override those blissful moments. Because seriously, like how it's easy to watch me being snappy, it's also VERY easy to please me. Just give me good company and food (especially sweet treats) and I'll be beaming and laughing at the smallest things. Yea like before watching Indy, I had ice cream at Cold Rock (Mint chocolate with oreo and cookie dough!!!squeee!) and Nanda looked at me and said, 'Why are you so happy? Habisla, high already'. Hehehehe.
A word of warning to those who intend to watch Indiana Jones. Throw all your knowledge about science and logic out the window. Why? Because nothing you see here will be concurrent with what you know or learn. Okay? So that's out of the way.
As an overview, I'd say it was a pretty feel good movie. Very classic and nostalgic. Very predictable and transparent. But hey, not everyone goes to a movie to have a slice of reality pie. They want legends teamed with paranormal activities. Of stories filled with adventure and hope and lame jokes. Of geek inducing light bulb moments. Of wishing all uni lecturers were like Indy.
People who want movies that require thinking need not apply. People who want to just relax, watch gorgeous lighting in magnificent backdrops, and who thoroughly enjoyed the other Indiana Jones movies, can step in line at the nearest cinema.
I for one enjoyed it. I mean, besides the fact that some things don't make sense. But like I said, its supposed to be illogical because its a movie. An Indiana Jones movie. Duh. And since I have a deep passion for myths, legends, the paranormal, adventure and Shia LaBeouf, this movie is right up my alley. I'm also looking forward to the next Mummy movie. That's those thingys wrapped and preserved. Not the maternal presence in your life.
Did I tell you about the 13 real crystal skulls? I did didn't I? Cool. :D
I know some of you boys had a huge thing for Linka. It must've been her sexy Russian, I mean Soviet Union accent. Hahaha. I had a thing for that American kid, annoying as he was. Well. Go ahead and click on em. I know you want to. :P
Oh and btw, I always pick to be the less attractive girl (ie: the Asian chick). Even in Power Rangers, I'd rather be Trini than Kimberly. Don't ask me why, I found being all pink annoying. Even though I love my Barbies. All ten of them.
What happens when housemates have nothing to do. I just got back from Mamak Nite and I didnt even go back to my room to put my bag or change. Hence the selekeh-ness and the bag iver my shoulder. :D. So enjoy me making fun of myself! XOXO!
I'm quite eager to watch the new Indiana Jones movie. I've watched the last two and it brings forth fond memories of watching TV with my parents. :P
One thing I find more exciting than Shia LeBeouf in a leather jacket is the history behind the crystal skull. Apparently, according to Mayan legend, there are actually 13 crystal skullsscattered all over the world. They all have to be reunited on the 21st of December, 2012 and aligned to prevent the world from 'falling off its axis'. And you thought it all stemmed from the creative geniuses in the storyboard room. It seems that the skulls are also thought to stop deforestation and bring world peace. The best bit? A real life Indiana Jones who's committed to finding these skulls. So kids, if you don't want the Earth to burst into flames or shrivel up in ice, please return that dodgy looking skull in your backyard to the Mayans by 2012.
Oh yes, one more thing. There are even MORE disaster movies coming out soon. You think The Day After Tomorrow was just a phase? Think again. Movies with bloodthirsty killer sharks(right, like we've never heard of that one before), pathogenic parasites from a frozen Mammoth,homicidal treesand more ridiculous plots. Just give me my Captain Planet dammit.
Anyway, I have to start putting up reminders of the little changes I can make to reduce my impact on the environment. Oh and please remind me to get Conflict Free Diamonds for my wedding or as a gift to my mom one day. Thanks.
Goddamit. I never thought I'd see a bunch of unicorns on uppers. It'll be an adventureee.. It's the land of sweets and joy and joyness. It has spoken, it has shown us the waayyy. This magical bridge of hope and wonderrrr...shun the non believer, shunnnn, shunnnnnn(ah) This shows I've been watching it TOO many times. :P
And if you don't mind can you tell me all your hopes and fears
Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for giving me advice. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for letting me see that it isn't that bad after all. Thank you for having faith in me. Thank you for the nice words. Thank you for the singing.
At least I know somewhere, somehow, I'm still loved.
Yunalis' Deeper Conversation is stuck in my head. It helps me study. I would love to have a deeper conversation with NDN. Just to know how he really is like. Then I can decide whether he's worth liking or not. Now that sounds mean. Especially since you saw him talking to some cute girl and forcefully pretended to sms someone. I'm so good at embarrassing myself aren't I? :)
It's good to hear that people know I'm still happy on a whole.
Great. Now I'm feeling copious amounts of affection and love for my family and friends. Mummy, Daddy, Adik. Faezah (crankypants), Liz. Ayin, HC, Sindy. Hawa, Zek, May, Fini. Erin, Jams, Sab, Nadee, Ameen. Everyonelah. Sankyou. =D
Saya sangat tensi. Immunology assignment confuses me. Immunology Quiz pisses me off. I want to stop having EVERY F*CKING WEEKEND filled with F*CKING WORK. No seriously, this is ridiculous. You can't keep making us do all this research and assignments and STUDYING straight for ten weeks. You are mind blowingly INSANE for not giving us a decent break.
The only thing that's keeping me sane, is the fact that I go OUT. Which of course fills me with intense GUILT, thank you very much. And an EXTRA hour or two to finish my work.
Thank you UNSW, for carefully planning my semester. For all those wonderful new things you have thought me. For shortening not only my study leave, but also my fuse.
I don't care if I'm annoying you by posting this emo shit up. I'm increasingly annoyed at everything. ESPECIALLY the fact that my period decides to give a sneak peak and then leave without a trace. I feel like screaming. No seriously I do. I want to tear out the grass. I want to kick the room door.
Oh and yes of course the only thing I manage to say when I see NDN is 'Hey, just came back from dinner?' Real smooth. Flirt with the kebab man why doncha but say something lame to the cute guy. Punch my guts please.
I swear if yesterday didn't complete my week, I wouldn't know what else would. Maybe Mfest. *cough cough*
Waroeng Podjok (is that how u spell it??) was pretty awesome. I had sate padang! Omigod. I don't even remember the last time I had it. Even Auli hasn't had it for a long time. Ha Ha. Kakak beat you to it! Twas glorious! The lidah meat was very tender. Sigh. I also had some Batagor. Heaven!!!! And I had some murtabak manis for breakfast. Huhu.
Performances were cool. The last band had been playing for 17 years and the singer could make his voice sound like the singer of the songs he covered. Like Bob Marley and Shaggy. Zek and I were in stitches. The other bands were great too. Like Fluffy and Academic Misconduct. Had me tapping my feet and swaying with the beats. However, there weren't any dangdut bands. And the awesome seniors who were so semangatwhen it comes to this are no longer here. Last year the whole lot of us danced with the seniors who had a roaring good time as they shimmied and shaked to the funky dangdut sounds of the guest band. All the newbies were a bit reserved to go all out. :P (Right. As if I know them).
And the eye candy. Well like I said, the seniors were better. But there were some pretty darn good specimens. Sigh. I could watch him everyday. Eh. I mean them. I could watch THEM everyday.
I just had another dose of watching middle aged mothers screaming and dancing like fan girls. My god, had me in stitches all over again. This time it was Rick Springfield. O-M-G. He is hot. I was this close to jumping up and dancing to Jessie's Girl just now. I swear its the dimples.
Is satiation the same as satisfaction?
If you wish for something, you call that thing a wish. If you beg for something, do you call it a beg? Hmm...
I'm so happy my guitar is in tune. Unfortunately, my playing isn't. :P
I'm also happy my banana slices taste good. My brownies taste better but hey, this is only the second time I main campak jethe ingredients. Okay, so its only for the banana topping but still!
Oh by the way, I'm quite deprived of social activities. I have no life. Even Erin and Zek get more action than me. :P Hawa and Fini too. Thank God I make myself happy. I mean, my jokes are always funny so I laugh for hours on end. Everyday. Alone. Soi Kewl.
Eh. You know how people say that if you laugh too much, as in, to hide your pain or whatever (no this does not apply to me), one day you'll crack and end up crying for hours? Now, if you were depressed and perpetually sad, will you one day break and have fits of laughter for hours? Makes you wonder don't it? No? Oh well. Still Soi Kewl.
I am totally guilty of not studying or doing anything academic this past week. However, this fact is extremely liberating and it somehow makes me feel happy. *shuts ears and stops listening to voice that says I'm wasting time*
I think books are good food for the soul. It feeds your inner desires. It breaks your mundane repetitions. It opens your heart to bigger things, not just the ones you see in front of you now. It digs deep and exposes your fears into open air.
Sometimes I think I get so stressed out about things. Like how not being in Kelab UMNO will make me feel left out and sad. How I've let Erin and Mad down by bowing out. How I've lost out on opportunities to further cement my place in KUNSW history. And I also think how every moment spent not studying or not doing assignments is a moment lost. I wince every time I find Justin and Fini doing their reports. I get a sinking feeling in my gut as my friends discuss exam timetables.
Then I read a book. One which tells of a woman on her journey of self discovery. One which I'm suppose to give Mummy for Mother's Day. Whoops. :) That coupled with what my friend said about life being too short to commit yourself to endless studying, made me shed all that guilt and allow myself to be happy and at peace with myself. You know like how happy cows make more tender meat? Well, a happier Sheera would certainly (hopefully) produce better results. Oh and I'm also very carina when I'm happy. Hahaha.
I'm not saying I'm going to quit school. No. Far from it. I'm just making sure I don't push myself to a breaking point when I don't need to. It isn't exam time. I can still manage to finish my assignments on time if I pace myself. I know I can. And if I can do it with a smile on my face, then all the better. Aaaannnd, you people don't have to hear me whine about pms for long. :D
All this talk about 'being at peace' with oneself makes me sound old. Geez. I'm sure I'll be a tempest in the next month or so and I'd have to rediscover myself again. Oh well. Bring it on. :)
Get yourself to the butterfly lounge, find yourself a big lady
Har Har I watched Iron Man and Im feeling happy! :D
Do you know how it feels to be FREE? Even if it was just for an afternoon, it felt good.
I was reading wiki about Twilight. This novel turned movie about a romance between a vampire and a girl. Goddamit. If I was 14, I'd rave about it and dream about it and make references about it in my everday life. But I'm 21. And I think vampires finding their 'True Love' are very funny. Makes you squint and go, right...
A tiny voice inside me says 'I wish I was in love'
Oh! I got to taste Kataifi for the first time today! Hmm. It has nuts in it and its superbly sweet but I prefer Baklava. Man, I wish I had more money on me just now. I could've had more Greek Sweets. :D
Take a look at me so you can see how beautiful you are.
So I watched 'How To Look Good Naked'. This show on Ten hosted by Carson from Queer Eye. It focuses on re-educating women to have a more positive body image. I don't really know where to start. You see, I have this nagging thought in my head which says that not everyone agrees women who are bigger than normal should stay that way. I know some people who regard asses and tummies as freaks of nature. So how?
Okay fine. Disregarding stupid blind asswipes, lets look deep into my sappy heart and uncover what I really think of this show.
Of course, me being on the not so skinny side of perfect, agree with the whole purpose of this show. I'm just one of the many girls/women who have low self esteem when it comes to their bodies. Time and time again I have people tell me I'm just nice when all I see in my head is a huge overweight beast who has too much to pinch and is unattractive as hell. The women featured on the show all feel the same way. They aren't in the running for The Biggest Loser. They're realistically what you see on the streets everyday. Yet, they still think they're ugly.
Apparently its all psychological. Tell me something I don't know. Seriously though, telling women they look fabulous or that being a size 14 is normal is very excruciatingly hard. But Carson gets through them beautifully. Maybe coz he's gay. Hahaha.
I would just like to say that even though I still don't think I'm hot or beautiful or whatever adjectives boys can churn out, I'm slightly more at peace with my body than I used to be. Last year I dropped 5-6 kgs in 2 weeks. Sure it made me feel good about myself but then when I came back here, I gained it all again. It's just my body readjusting to the weather and the stress. And this year, I didn't even bother to shed it all, my weight has been stable and it hasn't gone up since. I don't mind. I know what I eat is healthy enough. I just need to exercise more. That's all. Haha. And thanks to Zek and May, I've learned to appreciate my curves more. These pants that used to make my ass look bigger, yea, they're one of my favourites now. Hear that? I love my butt. Too bad you couldn't appreciate it.
Sigh. I love being a cynical bitch. That's a warning for the big P. :D
Okay. Let's get the complaining out of the way. I'm having a perpetual headache today. Hasn't stopped since lunchtime. So I'm calling this my mid session burnout. I'm sleeping more tonight. And finishing up my assignment 2mrw morning. Or afternoon. :D
No one can juggle everything at the same time. You have to sacrifice something to fully appreciate something else. I think I've lost a lot of time making up for the things I've missed. Like rest and recuperation.
I deleted some content coz they sounded too emo. Hahahaha...
I shall be watching Ironman soon! I cannot wait! :D
Oh OOOhh! One good thing that came out of being left by my friends for guys is that I get more time to spend with other people. I get to hang out with different sets of people that I don't feel obliged to attach myself to them constantly. It's pretty good, no? Widening your social circle. Or at least strengthening the newer bonds?
A dash of Disney, a sprinkle of pop punk, lashings of sweet treats, a pinch of superheroes, bundles of laughter and a tinge of crankyness.
All wrapped up in a pretty package that resembles the Cookie Monster.
Also self proclaimed Princess of Le Cupcake Kingdom
People I love. Music. Sweet treats. Singing animals. Movies. Princes. Books. Fables. Hindustan Heroes.
Sinks my Ship
Rude people working in hospitality and sales. Long queues. Idiots CUTTING long queues. People who Patronise.
Wishlist
To finally figure out what I'm meant to do. To travel the world. To eat anything without gaining ungodly amounts of weight. To get my happily ever after. :)
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