You're Out of Touch, I'm Out of Time
Labels: Emo, Music, Rambling
I Can't Always be Playing Your Fool
I really don't know how you do it. Working 12 hours a day. Everyday. Then you come home and help the kids with their homework or play with them. Some of you may even cook and clean. I really don't know HOW you do it.
Because here I am, on the verge of tears, with aching shoulders and a heavy heart.
It's all fine and dandy IN the lab or OUT with the friends. It's the end of the day that sucks. Knowing you have to shower first and blow dry your hair and wake up early to prepare lunch/dinner/berbuka and do some work. Wishing you had someone to unknot all the tension in your shoulders. Or rub your back. Or stroke your hair before you sleep.
Maybe it just takes some getting used to. Or maybe my estrogen levels are still low. DAMN YOU HORMONES! Be strong Woman! *smack*
I want some Risoles please? Thank you.
I'm so tired of this. Not THIS this, the OTHER this. The whole Karma thing has stopped being funny. I know it's fair but really? (Yakin je fair) How long do I have to wait? Argh. Okay, I zip it. And please, don't judge me after you read this. You have NO IDEA what I'm talking about so DON'T ASSUME. Spanks.
Labels: Emo, Rambling, Uni
If Only I Could Have a Cheeseburger Now
Ever heard the words 'If Only' being uttered in the relationship context? For instance: 'If only she would love me as much as I love her' or 'If only he didn't leave me' or 'If only she'd realise I'm a better guy than that jerkass bf of hers' and etc.
I know I tend to use that phrase a lot. There was this once, I was crying to my bestie, Liz, about how IF ONLY this guy were to straighten out his confused emotions, he would make the best boyfriend and I would be SO happy because we had so much in common and he knew how to treat me right. She asked me, "How sure are you you'd be happy?". "Of course I'd be happy," I replied. "Really, Doro?" she snapped back. I kept my mouth shut and thought of what she said.
Of course, she was right. How WOULD we know we'd be happy or happIER? It's fair to say one should give it a try but seriously, if what you wish for keeps falling from your grasp, there's a reason it isn't yours to begin with.
This is where faith comes in. All those 'if only's happened for a reason. Perhaps God wanted to test you or protect you. The end result, I believe, is to make you a stronger person. Maybe you're not with someone because being with them would allow you to self destruct. Maybe you offer more benefits as a friend rather than a spouse to certain people. You just have to trust that whatever God gives you, is the best. You may not think so at that moment but in retrospect, things will seem clearer.
I have to keep reminding myself this daily. And I have to keep reassuring myself that it's better this way. :)
Labels: Rambling
I'm a Gallery of Broken Hearts
Sometimes I feel like there's so much to write here. But it seems that all my thoughts lately are mostly complaints or too personal and deep for public. And of course, I haven't had the time to do it.I slept for ten hours last night. Woke up at 830 to coffee, LeSnak crackers and 2 teaspoons of Nutella. :D. Felt soooo goooood. I've been fasting and waking up late and being tired and cranky. I was and still am PMS-y. But at least waking up early and having some form of bfast helps.Today is the final day of run number 4. Another 9 hour lab but I shall be socialising tonight. I hope. Haha. And tomorrow, I'm going to have the WHOLE day off! I'm going to go feed my soul somewhere else or at home.I want this hoodie on Rumilenora
The metal chains, the larger hood and slouchy size looks very comfy and cool.Of course, I want her legs too. :BAm now listening to Zee Avi thanks to Zek and Erin and May. :D
Labels: Fashion, Music, Rambling, Uni
Alien Squid and Flashlights?
This was done by my Jedi Master, Zek. I'm guessing he was inspired by one of my dreams where a dude who was hitting on me, drew me a comic with the exact same title. Hahaha. I totally love it! Thanks Zek! Loves yous! :DLabels: Friends, Geekery
Pizza Formaggia
Just watched Angles and Demons. Ooh the Geekasms I had while feasting my eyes on fantabulous science and religion conspiracies.
I don't care if you think Dan Brown is overrated or a sham. I believe his books are utterly brilliant and oozing with huge piles of information. Who cares if it's only semi-true, it IS supposed to be fiction after all. The science is in fact, plausible, because he actually took the time to research the things he strings into the storyline.
Yes, argue if you must. I still loved biting my lips at all the informative tidbits he scatters around the book and movie. So catch the movie if you can. Or even better, read the book beforehand. As usual, they changed some parts, but who cares! :) Watch it!
Labels: Books, Geekery, Movies
I'll Take this Cali Sunrise with Me
What does it mean to have half your friends suffer from mental problems? No, I'm not trying to be funny. Most of us have been actually diagnosed by qualified professionals, be it counselors or GPs.
The two most common mental disorders among young adults are Anxiety Attacks and Depression. I do realise it's a bit hard to grasp and I'm sure some people think we're just being annoying or attention seeking by complaining about our problems and such. Unfortunately, this is serious business and it's REAL. It must be, since we get affected badly physiologically.
I don't know if all people our age go through it or it just so happens that my friends are burdened more than others. Is it the fact that we're away from home? Is it because uni here is too tough? Is it because we tend to take on too many additional responsibilites?
But whatever your problems, it's okay to seek help. To ask for guidance. For love. For understanding. I can give you ALL the hugs you need. I probably need it too. And remember, you're not alone in facing this and it will always get better. Where else is there to go, if not up, when you hit rock bottom? ;)
ps: on a side note, I keep picturing myself performing on stage with my pusher and my jedi master. We'd play all my fave powerpop/ pop punk songs. I'd be in summery outfits with flowers in my hair. Oh Bliss. :D
pps: top pick for this week = Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade. :)
Labels: Friends, Geekery, pop punk/powerpop, Rambling
Never take Advice from Jilted Lovers
Written at 4pm on the Physics Lawn:
Sitting on the soft grass, blanketed by the warm sun. The light is that gorgeous yellow I always rave about but never manage to retain in photographs. I wish for thousands (millions?) more of this kind of sunshine in my lifetime. The gentle breeze and a cup of coffee tops the ice cream of bliss. :)
Alhamdulillah, this week was filled with plenty of lab time n classes. Momentum is getting better and hopefully next week will be as good or better. I'm going to concentrate on unwinding today till midday tomorrow. Then it's back to work. Wish me luck!
Oh, btw, my mom has a blog. I showed it to some of my friends and they said that we both write the same way. Even my dad n brother said the same thing. I really think I'm turning out to be more like her. I pray that when the time comes, I'll be as great a mother as she is. I love you mummy. You've been an AWESOME role model! Happy Mother's Day while I'm at it. :P
Labels: Family, Rambling, Uni
I Deny the Tears in My Eyes
I dah tak larat dah. I cannot go on doing nonsense like this. Our lives no longer intersect, so why should I bother pretending or wishing it did? I've trudged this road before, and I got through alright. I just need to practise more restraint and have more willpower.
I feel really guilty thinking that the world is unfair to me. In actual fact, I am VERY blessed to have what I own right now. The amount of people who love me, Alhamdulillah, are just amazing. And the fact that my heart is filled with so much love for each of them, keeps me going.
Times are tough. I do not enjoy the pressure of what I'm doing. I can't really see a future in what I'm doing now, which is sad but at least I tried to find out. Who knows, I might change my mind after I get used to things.
I do not have ambitious dreams. I do not have dreams at all. I do not know what I can do to earn money and at the same time give me some form of fulfillment. A proud sense of achievement would suffice, but even then, nothing I do is enough for that. Maybe I'm a slacker after all.
Labels: Emo, Rambling, Random
Move Like a Jellyfish
Ifan gave me his weekly pass which expires today. Traipsed through Balmain and Rozelle. Found my way up to the Sydney Observatory Hill and took this picture. It was just AMAZING up there. It would be a nice place to just read and eat a sandwich. :)
Cumulatively, I have eaten 6 different flavours of Zumbo's macarons. He He He. I especially love the Blue Cheese n the Coconut & Pandan. :D Hawa, please come with me next time?
Loving yourself does not just mean cleansing your soul or finding happiness, Shaheera. If you really love yourself, you'd pull yourself up. You'd work hard. You'd carry out your potential. It's not enough to walk through woods finding peace of mind. You need to fulfill your responsibilities well and keep yourself on track constantly.
Labels: Food, Holidays, Rambling
I'm Tired, This Fight is Fighting to Survive
Hah. Shouldn't have said what I said in the last post. I'm now pelted with my own stupid problems. But OH WELL, TOUGH LUCK.
No, I'm not going to rant here. It is my fault after all. But I have legit reasons. And noone would understand anyway.
So, I'm going to go off the grid for awhile. Until I figure out how to fix things. Because problems should be solved not left to simmer under the hood til everything evaporates.
K thnx bai.
ps: Ifan is leaving tomorrow. I love being the Kakak. But it's tiring too. I'm gonna miss the kid. Sigh.
Labels: Emo
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