Saving all my Love
Tis the season to be moody, fa la la la laaa la la la laaaa.
Oh halo, it seems to me that everyone and their grandmothers are feeling a tad bit depressed lately. Problems this, assignments that. People, things, feelings all piling up under a dark gloomy sky.But honey bees, it'll all be A-Okay! So here's a little sunshine to brighten your day. :D
ps: I'm not feeling emo because I went through all the stupid nonsense weeks back. Although I do feel like crap sometimes but it's all alrighty. :D
Are you Happy with your Role?
That's my last.fm playlist being wordled using some coding program from Master Giraffe.
Don't judge me! :P
Been listening to Red Jumpsuit Apparatus on replay since dinner at Mongers. :D
I've been increasing my food intake recently for these reasons:
1. It's getting colder, therefore I get hungrier. Go figure.
2. I'm becoming happier. When I'm happy I eat more. It's simple really.
3. I just got my big P. PMS makes you ravenous and crave things. Like salt n pepper calamari. And chocolates.
4. I have friends who eat nice food. Enough said.
But I do not like increasing my girth. EVERYONE KNOWS I LOOK BETTER NOW. Dont pretend its not true. I KNOW you think I look unhealthy all bloated and fat. And I like playing with my ribs, thanks.
So what do I do now? Yeah. I can hear you rattling off all the typical responses. Exercise, eat
less, cook yourself, dont eat junk food, put up a pic of Jessica Alba or that dress one size smaller to motivate yourself. Right. It sounds so easy saying and writing doesnt it? Pah.
Wait. Why am I cantankerous? Oh. Lit review not done. Right. Okay toods!
Labels: Emo, Food, Geekery, Music, Random
The Sky Looks Pissed
Heads up! Some random babble is coming your way!
Oh hello, that explains why I've been feeling bloated and continuously hungry the past few days. Not to mention perpetually beat and randomly sad. Surprisingly I didn't have the other usual telltale signs. And only three days late! *thumbs up*
I wish you'd understand that not all your happiness stems from romantic love. I wish you'd see how much happier you could be if you didn't keep chasing love. I wish you'd know that being single and alone means you have more freedom to pursue your dreams. I wish you'd stop searching for love in all the wrong places. I wish you'd be comfortable in your own skin.
Patronising ke? Sorry.
Other people's problems are not mine to solve. I cannot keep mulling over their plights in addition to my own jumbled up thoughts. It makes my head heavy and my breath short. But I sure can't help myself especially when I see them decaying in front of me.
Okay that's enough emoness for today. Shall now do the Rick Astley dance before scooting off to bed. Peace.
Labels: Rambling
Lit Review Due
Dear body,
I'm so sorry but I will have to pump you with caffiene this next week. And also instant food. Please bear with me? I promise I'll give you a nice culinary treat next Wednesday and if you're lucky, something coffee free. :)
And don't be so stressed out even if you need to be. I promise I'll play happy songs all the way.
Lots of love,
Shaheera
Labels: Uni
I'll Send My Wampa Afta U
One of the many things I've learnt from hanging out with Sab is to be absolutely comfortable with yourself.
To put it simply, I shouldn't be ashamed of my principles and how I act. As long as I'm not harming anyone or going on the path to self destruction, I should be fine.
What gets me though is when people start to question my thoughts on things and reassure me that I'm not being myself. Or that they subtly tell me I should change in order to please them or other people. Please, even if I WAS once like how you percieve me to be, I may not be the same person now. And really, why are you friends with me if you want me to be less dorky or thinner or more open minded or whatever other stupid nonsense you want me to be moulded into?
I should take a page out of Daddy's book and be so comfortable in my own skin that noone should faze me. And I should NEVER feel guilty if I say no to guys. Hah. What? Guys say no to me too!
Anyways, today was actually an AWESOME day due to conversations with strangers and bonding with Sabby. And a got a nice little note from my Sweetheart Jams. Thanks babe! :D I love you!
Labels: Friends, Rambling
Make the most of Boundaries
I had a nice talk with my mom last night. She said that I can't handle too much negative energy because instead of deflecting them, I tend to absorb them. It's just me. I'm trying to change this though. I'm learning how to not take outer factors to heart, especially things that don't concern me.
Where do all these negative energy come from? The number one cause for me is other people's problems. Whenever my friends get depressed or something is bothering them, they confide in me. Generally, I don't mind because that's what friends are for and I wouldn't only want to be with them when they're happy. But eventually, as the discussions pile up and anxiety builds up, all the negative energy starts to flow into me. They transfer their burdens onto my shoulders and I end up feeling depressed for no particular reason. It's okay if it's few and far between but that's never the case.
What I realise then that when I went to Bowral, I was surrounded by such amazing and happy people. Such positivity and warmth flowed in from everyone, even the cats. How could I NOT feel complete bliss there? It was exactly what I needed. I refuled my optimism and came back rejuvenated spiritually. I thank God I was allowed to experience all that and pull me up from le pit of doom. :)
Therefore now, I'm trying hard to remain positive and I try to spend time with people who are very optimistic (Here's looking at you Sabby :D). Not to say I don't like hanging out with my other friends. I love you guys more than you know. I just wish you'd understand what I'm saying here and how much I've had to bear. There's a stark difference between unloading your negativity and accumulating postive ones. I didn't talk about my problems in Bowral but I still came out feeling like a millionabucks. ;)
Labels: Rambling
Vanilla Ice Ice Baby
Watched Jason Mraz last night. I have to be honest and tell you that I don't actually listen to him. I don't have any of his songs in my ipod. But since everyone says he's awesome I thought I'd have a go at watching him live. (No not coz I think he's cool and I want to be deemed as cool. Nigga please.)
To me, this concert wasn't one of those where you stand up and dance, where the energy flows to each nerve and cell. It wasn't one where I could sing along and pump my fist in the air repeatedly.
I was in my own little zone and I listened in awe as he sang his stories. That's what it was like to me. Being in a nice cozy room with Mraz while he pours his soul out into a song or ramble on random thoughts in his lyrics.
So yes, I did enjoy the concert despite not knowing any of the songs. I have a feeling he purposedly picked lesser known songs to segregate the posers out from the real fans. Haha. And no, I didn't cry. Yay.
Labels: Music
Filled to the Brim
I think I'm in love with Bowral. These 2 days have been much needed. You have no idea how much affection I'm filled with for all these people I just met.
Opa Sutanto and Oma Jill's house is so cozy and the view is gorgeous! They've got so many beautiful flowers and trees and the house is situated at the top of the hill. You can actually hear the cows mooing in the pasture below. :D
Tante Trace's house is also awesome. She's got a huge plot and her house is filled to the brim with crafts. I swear it's like a museum!
The town itself is very lovely with its quaint shops and numerous cafes.
There was another Indonesian family staying over for the weekend there. Tante Tuti, Om Dodi and their 2 kids, Sarita and Desi. They're such wonderful people and they all made me feel so welcome there. It didn't feel like I just met then for the first time. They even gave me a lift back home. Hee Hee.
Because I helped out with some of the housework and because the food we got was neverending, it seriously felt like home to me. And the people were so nice. Sigh. I should've accepted their invitation last year. At least I could've destressed better then.
This trip is probably the highest point of the past month or so. Even if it was only on the weekend and with people I barely know. And you know what? This is the ONLY reason that makes putting on weight justifiable. You know, like going home? Man, I miss my own Oma.
Okay, off to report to my mother. :D
Labels: Family, Holidays
Say you, Say me.
If you know doing something makes someone happy, you should continue doing it right? Hmm.
Oh how I wish my mother was here.
Oh crud. She's so going to call me sounding all worried now. Meh.
Anyway. Must. Be. Positive.
Highlights of the week so far:
1. Eating at Bourke St Bakery and traipsing around Surry Hills with Sibrena and Jamsiah. Ah, fulfilled tummy and soul.
2. Getting confirmation that I'll be my bestie's Maid of Honour! So excited to be part of her special day. :D
3. Um. Yeah. That's it. What? It's only Friday!
Man. Where's my Mortal Wombat when I need it? I want to bury my head into it's furry belly and sleep. Ngahahaha sounds disturbing.
ps: sorry for the lack of posts. I haven't been really inspired lately. Toods.
Labels: Family, Friends, Rambling, Random
I Refuse to Give into my Blues
I, Shaheera Djafar, have lost all willpower and momentum when it comes to Uni work. This has been happening gradually over the past week. Or two.
I'm not going to give you some bullshit excuse about what's going on in my head. I'm just telling you that I have lost myself. And now I've got to pull my socks up and find me. You can help if you want.
I'm tired of crying more than once a week, in the middle of the night.
I just want to feel SO angry that I push myself to work extra hard.
I think I've been approaching things the wrong way.
And yes, I no longer have the flat stomach I brought back from Malaysia after the breakup. Shut up.
Ah yes, and a friend says that I should give my emotions a rest. Word.
Labels: Emo
Bbbbruises
Breathe in and out. Relax.
Come on Doro you can do ittttt!
If ever there was a time to be selfish, now would be it. Word.
Happy happy happy. (is it working? No?) Happy happy happy.
*goes on chanting*
Okay, I have to stop feeling so nauseaous (nauseus? nauseas?) and suck it in and just do ze presentation. Wheee!
I'm sorry. This is an attempt to calm myself down. I'm a loser who likes to amplify their problems when real people have real problems. Yeah. Go ahead, sucker punch me. I probably deserve it.
"Tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef. That I'm a vegetarian and I aint f**kin scared of him".
"I refuse to give in to my blues. That's not how it's going to be".
Okay after I pipis Im goin up to Rountree room. Wismilak!
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