Tell Me Your Favourite Song
Oh Boy. Leaving tomorrow. Well, technically later tonight. :S
I'm going to have to work on a lot of things this year.
My mom's friend, Kris said something like we're already doing what we're supposed to do, it's just that we don't realise it. (I may have misquoted. Sorry!)
She also said that whenever I have my moments with Garuda, it's actually me conversing with my soul. I really loved that notion. All this while, I thought of my soul as something separate that I had to find or fix but in actual fact, there it was, guiding me and being there whenever noone else could come to my aid. :)
You know what? Sometimes I see my other friends being all depressed over their situations and I think, man, don't you get tired of feeling this way? So I think, since I don't particularly enjoy seeing them like that, I'm pretty sure they're sick of me being like this too. I mean, a lot of people don't know how I feel inside because as Aiman says "You macam relax je..". But I know I rant off a lot here and to a certain few. I'm so sorry guys. I know it's beyond annoying.
So I'll put in MORE effort in being happy. Life is too short, no? I really should let go of all the insecurities about myself. Let go of all the resentment. All the jealousy. All the anger. All the sadness. I have to have faith that whatever has happened is for the best because it is all from Allah after all. The people I'm close to already love me as I am. And I love them too. No matter what happens, I will have that at least. I hope. :)
Labels: Rambling
You've Got Crumbs on your Shirt
Faezah shared this little thing with me. She REALLY wanted me to put it here because she said that "ppl must know this about cookie monster" because we both couldn't believe that he is "actually quite jiwang". So here goes:
'Me wonder what love is? Me thinks love is like my love for cookies, but me met you, and me give you cookie.'
Aww...it's SO sweet!! :D Thanks doll!
Labels: Random
At the Bottom of the Cereal Box
This saturday night I'll be boarding the plane back to Sydney. Come mid sunday morning I'll be unpacking my stuff in room A Unit 29 Barker's Apartment.
Oh, how I despise transitions. Those moments between vastly different routines. You don't know what to feel; relief that you've got your independence back or sadness at the thought of leaving your loved ones behind. I always end up a wreck a week prior to leaving and a week after I've reached my destination.
I really don't get why every year has to begin on such a devastating note. I'm not blaming anyone. I guess it's just the nature of my life. I suppose eventually it'll resolve into something much more beautiful. I'll go from numb to a plethora of emotions. But till then this void keeps expanding in me.
I think it's pretty common, this feeling of having something missing in your life. It doesn't neccessarily have to be romance or fame or money. I think it's more of a pure unadultered happiness. Finding joy in what you're doing and whatever you possess.
Although I think eventually, it's just a state of mind which you can control. I think at some point in your life, you should realise that stringing all those little notes of happiness is much more important than searching for one big chunk that has eluded you for the most part of your life. What makes you so sure that shedding all those other miniscule aspects in search of the ultimate dream would lead to a higher level of satisfaction?
I may be wrong and I may not be trusted. I will be honest with you and say that maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. I know my life Alhamdulillah is very blessed. And to mope around, crying for what is lost or what is unattainable, seems like a sin and a betrayal to what God has given me. Yet, it still is hard to pick myself off the floor. To stuff the empty spaces with foam, to patch the cracks up with cement.
The thing with me is, I may be strong but I can never do things alone. I need people to lean on. They're my source of strength. Sometimes I can handle things on my own but my innermost core is no match for the love my family and friends willingly give to me. That in itself is a blessing and a reminder that my life is pretty great.
Oh wow. That was an essay that didn't even end with the same topic it started with. I guess I just needed to let it out. I'm not going to apologise for this. It was something I had to do. :)
Labels: Rambling
Jasmine, Lychee and Rose
I smell like a bottle of Sosro's Teh Botol. Tee Hee. To those unaware what Teh Botol is (shame on you), it's an Indonesian brand of Jasmine Tea. No, I did not douse myself with ten bottles of the lip smacking beverage. I just bought a 100 ml bottle of Marc Jacob's Blush at 300 ringgit less than the original price. Ngeh Ngeh Ngeh. Thanks Jams!!!! I LOOOVE it! :D I continually have to fight the urge to lick my wrists.
Last night there was a soiree of sorts at my Cik Dah's house. I met SO many relatives I haven't seen for years. My nieces are wearing make up and heels now and my cousins are working and/or married. Everyone gasped the moment they saw my brother and his facial hair. And everyone still thinks I'm a teenager. This include said make up clad nieces. It was really nice catching up and hearing all the well wishes for Sydney. It felt good to recieve their support. Thanks everyone! :)
Ah, hot lychee and rose tea during a rainy day is always good to cure a head heavy with thoughts and emotions.
Labels: Family, Rambling, Random
My Daddy Says a Vampire Bit Me
Please disregard my chunky thighs. Thanks.That's FOUR extra holes in my body now. Hurr Hurr.
I've been taking blood tests twice a year for the past three years and never once had I have to endure numerous jabs. For some reason, the Dr said my veins are too small and I seem quite pale. I thought stuff like this only happens to Faezah. hahaha.
He first tried my left arm. Nope, nothing came out. He then tried my right arm. Nothing there either. He asked me if I wanted to try from my hand. I said no, coz it hurts three times more. So he tried my left arm again. He got some out but it was still not enough. The blood was flowing out too slowly. -_-' Then I finally gave in and let him take it from my left hand where the rest of my blood flowed out smoothly.
You have no idea how terrified I was. Honestly, as much as I hate blood tests, I usually go in, get it done and go out. As long as I don't look at them doing it, I'm fine. However, this time I felt really dizzy and nauseous. I was sweating even though the air cond was set to 17 degrees. Yes I noticed this in an attempt to distract myself. And yes, it did hurt three times more.
Thank god the Dr was so patient and my mom was there to calm me down. Of course after that she sort of nagged about me not eating properly. I can't help it! I haven't had the appetite lately. She's now on a mission to stuff me before I leave. o_O
On a side note, I've been dancing like mad to Katy Purry's Hot & Cold much to the amusement of other motorists.
Labels: Rambling
Love Bites, Love Bleeds
It's really funny when your friends always tell you you deserve someone better whenever you get your heart broken. Or like you should never settle for less than best. Because the perfect guy would never break your heart right? He always treats you right, right?
Then you go around living your life with your heart under lock and grill. You decide that no guys are worth the extra effort. You flirt back but you're never serious. You're not willing to take that extra step. You nitpick each and every flaw. You get sadder and more lonely as the years go by.
Then your friends come up to you and say things like 'dude, you need to get laid!' and 'i think it's time u get sum lovin'. Or at least get more than just friendly. They tell you to open up a little. Start giving chances and taking risks. 'You never know if you don't try!' they say. So you do.
And look what happens. The same cycle repeats itself.
The End. Thank You.
Crud. I really have issues don't I? Sigh.
Labels: Boys
Don't call me Gigolo, don't call me Casanova
GPOY (because I can't wait for Wednesday):
U likey my naaaails? Thats Jelly btw. The dinosaur, not the nail colour.Today is a positive day. Why? Because mamochka gave me a pep talk in d car on d way to work.And I got to listen to Pour Some Sugar On Me. And now, I've got Def Leppard's whole Best of album in my ipod. Booyah! Oh shit, I can't wait to karaoke it again one day. Watch me!Heavy metal/Hard rock baby! :DAnd to reassure Ayin, I managed to finish a whole 6 inch sub by myself! Yay! Although halfway through I felt like throwing up. But at least I did it. :P Labels: Music, Random
macaroni and tandoori cheese
Hmm. Thank you for all the support. You guys rock. :)
Sometimes I'm ok. At least my eating habits have somewhat improved. I'm alright when people engage me in conversations where I'm supposed to respond. I can still laugh when it's due. I make my own stupid jokes (it's a coping mechanism, you see).
Sometimes I'm not. Every time I wake up I think that the whole thing was a dream. Then I realise it isn't. Today was funny because I had to answer questions about Mfest in between listening to Datuk Siti and songs of the same genre. I think that about made me cranky beyond repair.
I think the best consolation I got was at 4 in the morning:
'Doro, you're so kind, why does this always happen to you? If I were a guy, I'd be your boyfriend and I'd be so loyal and never leave you!'
-Norfaezah Hasim, 2009-
Unfortunately, my bestie is very much taken and very much a girl. Sigh.
But thank you to the rest. Liyana, for letting me stay over as long as I wanted to. Fatin, for taking me out. Chomet, for being fun for the both of us when I was unresponsive. Hawa, for calling all the way from Sydney and letting me cry on the phone. Zek, for talking things through. Ayin, for distracting me and the Three Hugs. Sabby, Peah, Shal, Izzati for your comments.
Sometimes I get into my childish mode where I wish for the impossible. Not just to have him back. Although that is the bulk of my wishes. Haha. But also to go all Kurt Wagner and Bamf out of here. Or to have Garuda be a tangible presence so he can fly me off this Earth. And sometimes I think of how unfair it all is. To me and to him. This usually happens when I see other couples. :S
Sometimes I put my chin up and let myself think that I'm going to be alright. I make plans for my future. I think of ways to achieve my goals. I try being positive as much as I can for as long as I can. I make sure I surround myself with good people and I read
funny stuff.
So you see, it isn't all copacetic. But at least I'm trying. I'll find complacency in my own due time.
Labels: Boys, Emo, Friends, Rambling
Disposable Doro?
Hi. Once again, I've snapped back into being solo.
I'm telling you people so that you don't come up to me with a huge grin and ask 'SOO, How's YOUR boyfrienddd?'. Because if you do, I might just have to kick your ass.
And I know some of you boys will take advantage of my vulnerability. DON'T. I see right through it. I'll kick you where it REALLY hurts for that.
I'm starting to think I have some pathalogical disorder that prevents guys from staying with me.
Or at least wanting me enough to not lose me. Hmm. If I'm really THAT great, why am I dispensable then?
Okay people. I'm going to be a bit depressed for a while yea? If you only like me when I'm happy, I suggest you take a few months off this blog. I won't get angry. I promise.
Well, by hook or by crook, I have to regain my sanity by the 2nd of March coz Ill have to meet Diane and Staffan about my project then. Hoho. Wish me luck!
I think now's the time to call on reinforcements. I need all the support I need. But please, whatever you do, DON'T insult Afir. It doesn't work that way. Because besides the obvious fact that I still love him, he was also the best relationship I've had yet. He made me feel so loved and so happy back then. Out of all those boys I dated, the flings, official bfs and rships I can't define but really existed, this is hands down the best one. He is MORE than great in SO many ways so please don't judge him for this. I still love him VERY much and wish him all the best in everything.
Thanks to those who checked up on me. I really really appreciate it. :)
Labels: Boys
Turbinado
I don't think Disney can help me this time. :(
This Boy Really Drives you Mad
I just realised, after all this while, that my dad only has THREE colours of shirts in his cupboard. Not three shirts only mind you. Just three colours, in various tones. Blue, Yellow and White. Amazing. This just proves that he's a classic man who doesn't take big risks. I've also learnt the merits of loyalty from him. Haha.There's this line in Motion City Soundtrack's song, Antonia which goes 'She shaves her legs with Ginsu Knives'. I just saw a man getting a pedicure using Ginsu Knives. Dead skin cells AND dirt. Lovely. If you still don't catch my drift, these knives are actually used for COOKING.I'm craving cupcakes topped with pink cookies. Don't ask me why. I don't know either. Oh no, scratch that, I want red velvet cake sandwiches with cream cheese filling. Yumz.Alphabeat sounds SO 80s! Ngahaha...I loike. Labels: Family, Food, Music, Random
Chocolates are excellent Gifts. ;)
That coveted event is just around the corner. You know what I'm talking about. I've had countless people ask me what my plans were. And I know countless others who have this certain allergic reaction whenever anyone mentions the word 'Valentines'.
I've read a couple of blogs and heard a couple of people launch into a tirade on how we shouldn't celebrate it. Some of the reasons include it not being of our religion and it being just a way of milking more money out of consumers. Yes, they are right but they also sound bitter. Noone to 'celebrate' with, perhaps? :B
To be fair, I don't particularly celebrate Vdays either. But that doesn't mean I'd turn down dates or gifts. Just like my stand on Christian celebrations, I don't celebrate Easter or Xmas, but I do stock on those marked down choccies after Easter and I never refuse Xmas Dinner invitations. So in a way, I play a small part in the whole fiasco but I don't really believe in the actual practise.
Oh and just so you'd know, I was walking around OU today when this cameraman and a microphone weilding person jumped out of nowhere and asked me some random Valentines questions. I wasn't ready and I found the whole thing SO absurd that all I did was laugh in between giving some lame answers. Yeah. Pray it doesn't air on tv.
Labels: Rambling
Over the Edge and Breathless
Crud. I've found a new guilty pleasure. Jonas Brothers'
Lovebug. Curses!
And someone just posted a vc of A Whole New World on their blog. And I cried watching it. Double curses!
Turns out that Summer holidays in Malaysia is not much different from Summer holidays in Sydney. Except that I don't have to use my own money here. Haha. But I can't go for my evening walks here either. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
This round of PMS is getting pretty bad emotionally. I just want to lie in someone's arms and cry for hours. I don't want them to question, just rub my back for me.
Okay. I'm sorry. You don't really have to know all of this. So I'll stop here and refrain from posting anything unless it's remotely cheery. Crud. Now I want some cherry ripe. Ok, Toodles! :D
Labels: Emo, Rambling, Random
So I Guess I'll Be Lonely Too
The princess watches her Kingdom from the highest parapet. She fails to notice the glorious architecture of the city within the castle walls. Her eyes don’t fall upon carts of export that make her economy flourish. She looks past her people, all working hard to support themselves, ignoring her in the process.
All she sees are the castle gates, barricaded from the inside by all manners possible. She stares at the guards patrolling the outer walls. Her eyes scan what looms beyond the dark grey walls.
Plains and streams.
Forests and dreams.
Like a tiger in a zoo. Longing for the world but never appreciating the fact that she is saved from being murdered for the black market or from extinction.
She sighs and prepares to return to her chamber and abandon all hope of leaving. A princess still has her duties and responsibilities, no matter how mundane they may be.
Pineapple Tarts
I'm Back! Yay! I got home late last night from my escapade with my sweetheart, Fatin. We had an Awesome Adventure touring around Melaka. Hee.
We managed to visit all the historical sights and play tourist by taking lots of photos and reading all the plaques they put up. We actually didn't plan anything before we left for Melaka so once we purchased a local map at the hotel, we sat down and figured out our course for the day. We did have some minor changes throughout the day due to circumstances, but because I had such an easygoing and awesome travel partner, everything went pretty smoothly.
Despite having everyone tell us that our destinations were always to far away and we needed to catch a cab, we proved them all wrong by walking all the way from Jalan Kubu, weaving through Jonker Street, winding our way up to St. Pauls Church, treading down to A Famosa and Dataran Pahlawan and eventually ending up at the Maritime Museum. And later on, we walked for an hour to the Portugese Settlement. Yes. In Malaysia's weather. Good thing the food was good and the people were nice. Thankfully the roads were not quiet and there were plenty of people walking around as well.
The next day was pretty much the same deal, with us traversing through Jalan Tan Cheng Lock and trudging all the way to the Eye On Melaka and back again to sample some Nyonya Food. Oh Lordy, I have to say, the Nyonya Laksa I had in Kocik Cafe (100, Jalan Tan Cheng Lock) is just scrumptious! Fatin helped me polish of the kuah. :P We then went to walk around Jonker Street once more and managed to secure a large cup of Nyonya Cendol piled high with shaved ice covered with thick sugar syrup and santan. Oh man, not only was it refreshing, it was delicious too! Fatin kept raving on about how it was the best cendol she ever tasted and at 3 ringgit a pop I think it was pretty worth it.
My only gripe is probably the reckless drivers in Melaka. Oh, and the fact that every man in the city would either honk, whistle, wave or smile at us everytime we walked past. Fatin said that if we were to get a ringgit for every time they did that, we'd be rich by now.
I really needed this trip, for all its randomness, spontaneity and company. It was a nice respite till I start honours. I mean, I'm on holidays, and that in itself is a great reprieve but I guess this is just one form of running away from the monotony of wasting my time at home.
Ok I'm off now! Thanks loads Fatin! You were AWESOME! :D
Labels: Friends, Holidays
Please disregard my chunky thighs. Thanks.
U likey my naaaails? Thats Jelly btw. The dinosaur, not the nail colour.
Subscribe in a reader