There goes the Raya holidays. I had a list of things to do but I didn't accomplish most of them. Oh well.

I did something really stupid today. I guess it was because I was angry at a lot of different things. Perhaps it had something to do with my stomach discomfort and PMS as well. Hearing my brother curse was the final straw. Now I'm paying the price of my stupidity with some ice. Meh.

I made a prediction about a friend. Perhaps I'm being too pessimistic but I'm just following trends here. I wouldn't know though, if my prediction comes true. If it does, it just proves one thing and I shall be happy to know that I'm right. Haha.

I learnt one important thing during the holidays. "You don't lose anything if you forgive".

I'm trying very hard to follow this. It's a bit hard when people don't realise that they've done something wrong and actually seek for that forgiveness but back to the saying, it's not like you'll lose anything. When the time comes for them to change and seek forgiveness from God, they can rest assured that their slate with you is clean.

Oh and one more thing. I was contemplating about people who have to choose sides between their husbands and their families. Both are important, yes? But how do you choose which side to lie on when opinions differ? To be direct, women are supposed to side with their husbands but AHAH! Only if their husbands are right and not against God. So i figured, idealistically, the only way to judge which party to agree with, is to use God and your beliefs as your compass. What do you think God would want you to do? What do you think he'd rather you pick?

Wow. More spiritual mumbo jumbo. I can already guess what some people might say. Whatever. Just bask in the complacency that I've forgiven you anyway. But not before I mock your inflated ego and imagine the day you fall off that pedestal you planted yourself on. But maybe then, you wouldn't forgive me for saying that. Hmm.

I'm gonna make this quick coz I'm supposed to be asleep by now. :B

These past few days have been quite magical. Not the whimsical sort that transports you to faerie-land but more of the unbelievable and genuinely incredible sort.

Had a heartfelt discussion with my sweethearts from High School and I'm still floored by how sweet they were with what I had to share. Thank you girls. I love you loads! :)

One of my friends had finally made a well thought out choice. Congratulations hun! Good luck with the future. Seems to look pretty lovely to me. ;)

Met some of my Sydney friends and a short catch-up with Erin left me quite content and happy with my choice. You have no idea babe, how much those words meant to me. How you said that what I'm doing is my strong point and that at the end of the day, what matters is that you're happy and you're enjoying what you're doing. I applaud how you're able to just go with the flow and not think too hard and too much about things that would complicate your life. Thank you for sharing that with me Erin. :)

And the best thing, is realising just exactly why I'm with my man. How God is at the center of our relationship and that He is the reason we're together until today. I know it's still a lot to ask for and that I'm nothing but a tiny grain of sand in this vast space and world but I keep on praying for the best from Him.

I'm glad I can be there for you honeybee, just like how you've been there for me. :-*

Okay off to bed now. Tomorrow is a FULL day. Le Sigh. Toods!

It's a gorgeous Sunday and all I can think of is sitting at a nice cafe outdoors and sipping some awesome Latte. I was all set to bathe and rush out the door with my laptop and work in hand then I remembered:

I forgot because I'm not fasting, see. Yes, it's THAT time of the month again. So perhaps, I'd have to be content in taking away my coffee and sipping it somewhere private.

Even so, I do love Ramadhan. Somehow, your efforts feel much more appreciated during this month. You somewhat feel stronger with each choice you make. Your prayers seem more genuine and your heart seems to calm down faster.

I love fluffy ranunculus and hydrangea. I feel like using them as blusher brushes.

One day I'll have a name card with this on it:

Shaheera Djafar

People Disappointer

Specialises in letting other people down

Awesome. Once I get it printed, I'll pass it to you.

I wish I could open my own cafe like Whisk one day. I think great things happen at cosy cafes. People write epic stories, they fall in love, heal a broken heart, close business deals, make new friends and accumulate a wealth of knowledge (whether it's by eavesdropping, reading or conversing with other people).

You've definitely got to have good coffee and awesome food. A nice atmosphere is essential too. Sigh. I really wish I could set one up and I do believe some of my gfs would love to do so too.

I've been listening to Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. It's the nice kind of emo. As in it isn't as depressing as a certain mister Blunt. :B

I'm not sure if I'm doing things right and I do know that things aren't peachy but somehow, I feel like sticking around. I guess it has something to do with watching my girls speak up more in class, a certain boy catching up with his friends and letting my babies go onto the next level. The amount of pride surpasses everything I've done so far. These are people's lives we're talking about. It's not personal gain or running the rat race. It's watching kids grow.

I do have to be honest, there are the bad eggs as well who try as I might, can't seem to grow up and are just adamant about being ignorant. There's also my own performance of course. I will never be able to be on par with the seniors and at times tend to struggle with executing my plans. However, it's the tiny improvement I see in myself day by day that makes me strive to keep on going. Sometimes it's a matter of one step ahead and two steps back but it's still a challenge to myself to see how far I can go. I do realise that I may not really be the best for this job but God knows I'm trying REALLY hard. This time I can safely say I mean it.

Okay. Time to schleeeeppp.

Back again after another long hiatus. I haven't blogged partially because I have this fear that one of my superiors might google me and land on this space. We wouldn't want them to catch me moaning in agony or screaming bloody murder, would we?

I've had my what, fourth infection in the past two months. I had ulcers on my throat. Yes. THROAT. I got really upset at first then I got really fascinated and obsessed. I kept persuading people to look at my throat but they'd politely refuse. Hmph. You don't know what you're missing. I'm better now if you're wondering, Alhamdulillah.

My best friend got hitched. Congrats Faezah! :D Solehah just got engaged this morning. Ah another one bites the dust. Congrats!

I am slowly starting to HATE the person I've become. I've lost count of the amount of people who get upset with me. This includes family, friends and colleagues. I disappoint them continuously every single day and I'm quite sick of it. 

It's okay you know, having separate lines for your separate lives just so long as they're parallel and whenever they interact they don't get tangled up. My lines look like Kolzac had run through and made them into a spherical mass coated with cat saliva and fur balls. My body is filled with so much negative energy it would make Darth Vader proud.

I don't know what's the point of writing this down. Doesn't feel therapeutic anymore. Maybe because once I log off, things are the same. Tomorrow someone else will get upset with me and the next day someone would wish they could strangle me. And all the while I'd wish I were somewhere else alone. But no, they'd find a way to get me and inject huge amounts of guilt into my head and heart that I'd have to come home where the same cycle would continue. If being sick didn't make it stop nothing probably will. Oh WELL.

Oh lordy has it been awhile.

Well hello. I know I've been MIA lately. Those who still peruse my blog or get auto updates will finally be able to see WHY I've slipped from the radar. Yay.

I didn't have internet in Sydney so i was MIA since then. When I got back I had an interview and recuperation at home and we all know internet at home is a B-I-T*bleep bleep*. So yes. MIA again. And then the week after I started working straight. 5 days. Sometimes till 10pm. And I was teaching tuition too. Needless to say, I was a mess everytime I got home. Weekends were spent sleeping or trying to catch some 'me' time. Hectic man.

Is it just me or am I having a problem stringing my words together? Must be the excitement of blogging again. Hah.

Oh yes, about that job. I'm teaching kids to read and write in English. I don't really agree with the education system here so I thought I might as well do something about it than complain to my peers over a cup of coffee or in a chatroom. I wouldn't say I'm good at it. I don't have that natural talent with children or in teaching for that matter. But at least I'm trying. And if I can get my kids to feel good about their achievements and if I get to see how their eyes shine when something in their brains click when learning something new, that's all that matters to me. And I simply can't resist the cute ones with their baby voices and tiny feet. :D

Okay. I'm off now. Hope I haven't made anyone thoroughly pissed off with my disappearance. :) Toods.

I'm thankful for the girlfriends I have. Somehow, in their presence I feel safe. I don't know if they realise it or not but they're the sweetest people I know. They make fun of you yes, but they do it to your face and it's never in a mean way.

These are the ones I want to keep, InsyAllah forever.

Thank you, loves. I do believe you'd know who you are. :)