Four more days. I really don't want to leave. I love this place so much. It's so cliched but Sydney HAS made me who I am. It's taught me so much about myself.
The Ultimate Final Farewell was too much for me to handle actually. I've been suppressing all these emotions for weeks and when I saw everyone that night I had to force myself not to cry. All I honestly wanted to do was sit in the corner and let the tears burst forth. Such is the nature of my hormones and feelings of sentiment. I even had to pinch myself in the car to stop from weeping.
Which is why I left early. Besides, playing Mafia isn't my thing. ;)
So here I am now, crying alone in the room, wishing I could stay. But I know things will never be the same with everyone going their separate ways, with life goals to pursue and money to gain.
Oh well. The end is inevitable. All you have to do is face it.
Ah, a true procrastinator will always postpone feeling emotional as long as possible. I keep telling myself (and certain people) that I don't want to even THINK about leaving Sydney (and certain people) in december. So yes, I'm procrastinating the tears till the few days before I jet set to the land of humidity and bad manners.
I shall miss the quaint cafes and the weekend markets. I shall miss Ayam Goreng 99 and Shalom. I shall miss the beaches and chocolate parlours. I shall miss walking alone to discover hidden secrets.
Wow. And not a single tear or even a slight tremble of the lips. I'm pretty awesome.
Okay, off to drench my throat with some skyjuice. Later!
Ever had people come up to you asking for advice but nothing you say seems to penetrate their cerebral cortex? You try very hard to twist your words, to sugarcoat certain elements just to make everything go down easily and yet, the bait's still on the hook?
Have you ever wondered if the problem here is not in fact the person seeking your advice, but the person GIVING it?
Sure, you're not the one trying to cope with somthing. Yeah, you're not the one in trouble. But why is it that the other person is finding it really hard to accept what you say?
The thing is, when doling out much needed advice, you have to control HOW you express yourself. If you come across as patronising or defensive, how can you expect people to listen to you? You've got to speak like you understand them and empathise with their situation. Even if you've been through it all before, don't act like its a piece of cake and degrade them.
Usually, when people you know come up to you to let out their anxiety or burning questions, you tend to get all riled up at their predicament because you care. Or coz it's about you. This tempers with your rationale and makes you give answers that are biased and EMOTIONAL. (guilty as charged). You use your heart instead if your logic. Thus, what comes out of your mouth holds absolutely no weight.
Therefore, before gritting your teeth and deeming someone as stubborn just because they won't listen to you, listen to yourself first. Would you take your own advice?
I remember reciting this line constantly to my friends till it pissed them off:
"Sorry, but I don't share".
That drew up many blank stares and raised eyebrows. I'm glad to report that I no longer harbour intense fear of catching liver disease from exchange of saliva through spoons and ice cream.
However, there are still a few things I don't share. Like my underwear (I don't think anyone WOULD want to share it though) and my boyfriend. I also selfishly like to hoard my rewards or new things I've discovered myself. Like MY portion of macarons cannot be touched by anyone else. Or that new hideaway I found will not be trampled on by other people.
One other thing I tend to be fiercely possessive about is secret events or places that I've only shared with certain people. It honestly tears me up inside when other people who don't understand the significance of said memories adopt it as their own or persuade me to allow them to join the ride. Especially if I've painstakingly took steps to keep it/them a secret.
I know it sounds really stupid and childish but I can't help myself. Sometimes I have to sit down and reassure myself that it isn't the end of the world. I repeat that some secrets are best shared like recipes for awesome cupcakes and I disregard all feelings of betrayal. And most times, those places and events discard their importance in my life.
I wonder if this post will make people understand me better or make them even more perplexed than they are now. Oh well.
I've been out since 830 and I reached home at 230. I walked from chinatown to surry hills then up to paddington (where I kinda got lost) and all the way back home. Key word: WALKED. Sure there were a couple of rest stops and awesome coffee from Single Origin but seriously, my thighs are feeling pretty tight now. Yay!
Oh and I got this pretty cute book to share with the bf. Something about Love and Lists. It's so pretty and adorable, I'm so excited to write in it! :D It will be our little secret journal. :)
Sigh. That hot shower felt really good. Now I feel like polishing off the remainders of my Caramel Tart. And maybe watch a movie. Le Sigh.
I expelled a sigh of relief as I dropped those four bound papers at the student office. I was too tired though, to celebrate. I looked at Fini with weary eyes and we agreed that a nap was just what we needed. What started out as a short rest turned to 5 hours of deep sleep. Sweet.
It's been four days since I submitted my thesis. What have I done so far? I have no idea. The hours seem to pass like a bullet train. I've been sleeping more, eating more, watching movies, dating and amusing myself with random thoughts of future endeavours.
I probably should start studying accounts pretty soon. And of course reread the journals for my interview. Le Sigh.
You know what I really really want to do? I want to sit in cafes, order a hot cup of Chai Latte and pore over a really good book. Then I want to draw up ideas of the farewell party we're planning. And also write little journal entries of the plans I want to carry out in the years to come.
A dash of Disney, a sprinkle of pop punk, lashings of sweet treats, a pinch of superheroes, bundles of laughter and a tinge of crankyness.
All wrapped up in a pretty package that resembles the Cookie Monster.
Also self proclaimed Princess of Le Cupcake Kingdom
People I love. Music. Sweet treats. Singing animals. Movies. Princes. Books. Fables. Hindustan Heroes.
Sinks my Ship
Rude people working in hospitality and sales. Long queues. Idiots CUTTING long queues. People who Patronise.
Wishlist
To finally figure out what I'm meant to do. To travel the world. To eat anything without gaining ungodly amounts of weight. To get my happily ever after. :)
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