As her tears streamed down her face, she faced the crowd.
So tired she was of the lying, the conflicts, the facade she had to put up in facing the public.
No more torments and taunts she thought.
No more fake smiles and outspoken jeers.
Time for the final act. As she pulled the box door close, she waved goodbye.
A puff of smoke went up. She smiled as she heard the crowd gasp in surprise as her assistant opened the door to reveal an empty box.

No more. For Now.


ps: for those who can tolerate crass humour and uncensored jokes bout politicians and hos, do check out amir hafizi.



Start fresh? Right. We're all stuck in this pit of despair once again. Kudos my friends. Wake me up when uve found the stairs back to the real world.

Mountains were probably Molehills. Big problems evolved from tiny dillemas. Too much drama makes me nauseous. Push it aside Darling. Buat Tak Tau Saja.

Lizzy Bee is coming home. Fizzy Cola will b having a 3 week rendezvous with her lovefool. Shizzle McCreepy will sunbathe in Bali. Shizzle wants to run away. FAR FAR AWAY.

Sydneysiders are TIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHTTTTT. Right. Ive found proof that we're not. Nite.



Its the 3rd Raya. Comin onto the 4th. My pockets are still empty. They long for lil raya packets filled with paper money. :D. My tummy is yearning for Cik Mimi's rendang and Auntie Tilda's semprit.

May said that she cant feel the Raya spirit here. Yea well, neither do I. We're all not on holidays. Some of my friends r even havin their finals. If we were back in Msia, we'd all be on holidays enjoying time with our families. But we're not. Coz this is what we want. We've worked hard to get here and Alhamdulillah Allah has granted us the chance to study overseas. This is part and parcel of the whole international student experience.

Even though you can't feel or see the festive Raya spirit as u trudge around to each of your classes at Uni, u can take the initiative to inject some Raya spirit into ur days and conversations. Little things that boost your morale, like wearing ur kebaya to your math test, or eating Msian food with ur Msian frens, or playing wit sparklers or singing Raya songs at the top of your lungs in the *cough* van.

Mmg la tak nmpk pakcik jual lemang kat tepi UNSW nyer walkway tu or advert raya Petronas kat channel 10 lepas Australian Idol tapi semangat Raya tu kan kluar bile lepak ngan kekawan reramai, makan satay Wak Sam sambil amik gamba cam tak pernah nmpk kamera n cam tak pernah jumpa 5 tahun even tho baru balik class sesama. :D.

Its the company that matters I guess. Tho nothing beats home, the people u love here can also make u feel happy what. So slamat hari raya peeps. Maaf Zahir Batin. *hugz*

ps: i admit that this is an attempt to make ME feel better. Not just to make everyone else feel less homesick. :P



Reese's peanut butter cups always make my day. :D.

Everyone has their sad stories.
Some share them, some don't.
Some laugh and shrug it off, some cry till tears dry out. And some raid the fridge at night.
Some get over it in a flash, some wait for months to wake up.
Some people change because of it, for better or for worse. And some pretend it never happened.

Lalala...Raya is oh so very near. So r the finals. But what is this? Shaheera hasn't covered her notes! She has yet to revise! What Folly! Grr. Great. Seems to me that fine dining around the world was not enough to kick start my study routine. I wonder what will. A kick in the ass?

I care about what people think about me.
But I hate it when they keep telling me what to do and mould my life for me.
But I cant seem to make my own decisions.
But I want to try to do things myself and learn to be independent.
But I still want to be taken care of coz I still need to straighten things out.
Cliche: Life is full of contradictions. Pergh.



Because I tend to not play the random songs my frens put into my laptop themselves, I didnt even know I had this stored inside my computer. But yea, I've been playing it over n over again. Its sad n a tad pathetic. But it had me in fits of giggles everytime I hear it coz I just happen to associate it with 2 different guys who are somewhat similiar in a weird way. Considerin they can't run away from being repetitive, this song is perfect for them. ROTFL. Lets just keep their identities a secret between me n my Itunes. (Well, maybe my gediks n hui chien knw already. But yea..who cares). But i do sincerely like the song coz its pretty darn nice. :D

Seperti Ku Jangka - Indigo feat KRU

Sekali lagi ku lalui jalanan sepi
Yang cukup diri ini kenali
Ku sangka dia yang ku cari
Telah ku jumpa
Namun dia yang menghancurkan jiwa

Cukuplah sudah hatiku dipanah duka
Cukuplah sudah segala sengsara
Dan aku tak mahu lagi dibelenggu rindu
Kerana ia akhirnya membunuhku

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi
Tewas sekali lagi
Menambahkan luka yang sudah ada
Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi
Cinta datang dan pergi
Mungkin takdir ku hidup menyendiri

Harapan terakhir ku rupanya sama saja
Dengan yang terdahulu darinya
Biarkan aku hidup tanpa belaian cinta
Biar semua tahu ku kecewa

Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi
Tewas sekali lagi
Menambahkan luka yang sudah ada
Seperti yang ku jangka terjadi
Cinta datang dan pergi
Mungkin takdir ku hidup menyendiri

Mungkinkah takdir hidup ini menyendiri
Bertemankan sepi
Yang pasti setiap malam
Ku imbas kembali
Kenangan indah menyentuh hati
Yang pasti itulah saja yang ku mampu miliki
Mungkin sepanjang hayat ku bermimpi

Enjoy. Excuse me while I laugh myself to sleep..*muffled laughter*




By Golly. It's already the last week of Ramadhan. Wow. Can't believe how fast time flies. Puasa has been pretty good so far. Alhamdulillah, no major dramas. Wait a minute. I started Ramadhan in the hospital. Oh well. Twas one of the many tests and in a weird way a blessing (coughSyazcough) from Allah.

I can't wait for Aidilfitri. :D. Just imagining all the food and the laughter and having a day off with my friends brings a huge smile to my face. I want Hawa's pineapple tarts. And May's brownies. And Jam's hugs. And Kak Long's sengal jokes. And Fini singing in the background every 5 minutes. Pergh. I can just imagine Radi dancin in tune wit Hawa n Fini as they go off at the karaoke set. I want to enjoy festivities with my other frens too. Erin. Yaya. Dirah. Paan. Is. Macha (fooyo..siap ada baju melayu tu..). Ariff. Shuk. Afiq. The list is endless kot. :D

But then it hits me. This is the FIRST time I won't be celebratin Raya with my family. You see, I have 2 versions of Raya.
Version 1.0 is me celebratin in Penang with my Mom's side of the family. Subversions 1.2 n 1.3 include me making ketupat the night before with Cik Mimi. The best time to hear family gossip thats totally unbiased. Muahahaha...Darn. This year I won't have that. :(. I won't get to sembahyang raya at the Gelugor Mosque and visit my granpa's grave to recite the Yasin. I won't get to go to Cik An's bbq in Alor Setar. I won't get to indulge in Ketupat and Cik Mimi's besterest rendang ever for each n every meal for three days straight. I won't get to listen to more gossip from my mom and her sisters (and perhaps a brother or two). I won't get teased by Pak Usu, Pak Ba n Mamak De while they smoke by the swings. *sigh*.
Version 2.0 is me celebratin Raya in KL with my granparents frm my dad's side. Its less festive n traditional. But we do get to sembahyang raya n attend open hses. My granparents' frens throw great open houses with fantabulous food. So we'd all cramp up in a car n head off touring round KL. Sumtimes Uncle Novry's family comes as well. And all the stupid jokes Mel, Auli, Ifan n Aqeem would make will have me in stitches the whole day. I won't have that this year either. No more Oma Sus's Soto. No more Oma Eli's ikan bakar. No more Oma Nining telling me how much Ive grown. No more of Oma's kue lapis legit, surabaya n cheese legit. No more having to drag Opa away from conversations that last too long with long time frens. Hehe. *double sigh*

I guess this year would bring about version 3.0. A new chapter where I celebrate Raya in a totally different environment with totally different people. I do hope its just as festive (perhaps even more) n I do hope I wont get too homesick or bawl my eyes out once the Takbir Raya starts (though I knw I probably would cry once it comes on).

Oh well. Selamat Hari Raya everyone. Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Hope u have a great time.







I had to dissect a rat in bio lab. Gag. The smell was putrid. My goodness. I think Im traumatised. I can still see the crap filled caecum and blood coated liver whenever I close my eyes. Fortunately these visions dont invade my mind when Im about to eat. Urgh. Thinkin of it makes me want to upchuck. Poor poor rat.

Anyway, I was making apple muffins today n when i measured out the cinnamon a thoughtwave hit me. I instantly had memories of my granma baking in the kitchen conjured up as soon as i took a whiff of the cinnamon. Funny isnt it? How your brain instantly opens up long forgotten memories when something simple like scents triggers it. Sometimes when i smell something, it can transport me back to a certain time or a certain memory. And sometimes I can remember whole situations, complete with who was there, what i was wearing and what i was doin. Then, depending on the memory, id either be all happy or all emo. Haha.

Its happened before. Like when I opened up this box of mini vials of body shop perfumes, each scent reminded me of a certain event. Aztique reminds me of loved up dates. Mint reminds me of Fatin n d hospital visits. Altaro reminds me of mom. Zinzibar reminds me of work. Actually they all remind me of the the last month I spent in Msia b4 I came here. Sweet memories and sad ones too.

Then theres totally random stuff like freshly cut grass which conjures up an image of my granpa with the lawn mower in the garden. Melting cheese brings about scenes at the dining table at my granmas. The salty smell of sea breeze reminds me of Ferenggi n my family lazing ard.

MAybe its just a way of showing me how much I miss these ppl. Owh. N i do miss my lovelies in the UK. :(. I want my liz n izzy. I need them. hmmm. K then. Enjoy the weekend peeps. Much love!



Tee Hee. I feel like such a dork. Ive been spending my sunday morning n afternoon watching kidsongs vidclips on youtube. :D.

Reminds me of my childhood. My mom bought me several tapes of kidsongs when i was young. I remember watching them since i was what 3? 4?. I still remember all the songs. Waltzin Matilda (so Aussie). There's a Hole In My Bucket. Rockin Robin. Ive Got Wheels. Deep In The Heart Of Texas. Do Your Ears Hang Low. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Day-O. I Like Trucks. Water World. Okay. Perhaps I should stop now. :D.

But seriously, kidsongs were a big part of my childhood. Besides the normal cartoons like Jem, TMNT, Cptn Planet, Thundercats n etc (Nak muat semua tk cukup satu post kot), Id sit in front of d tv on weekend mornings dutifully absorbing the songs they spew out. When my bro was born we'd watch it 2gether. Bonding time. Tho I think he got bored of it faster than me. Hehe. Hmm. I wish I cld say that Kidsongs taught me sumthing n dat it was totally beneficial or whatever but hmph. I cant really think of anything to say. Except that maybe I loved the show so much, that I keep singing the songs until now. :D



















Enjoy. Actually. I know u guys wont even bother. But just for kicks, to show why I name myself Duchess Doro the Dark Dork, I added the thingys. Big Love!



When was the last time u made fun of sum1?
When was the last time u started a rumour that you knew wasnt true?
When was the last time u watched someone flinch and squeam in irritation at sarcasm directed to them just so u could get your daily dosage of laughter?
When was the last time u smirked at the couple who are trying to keep their relationship a secret?
When was the last time u jeered at someone about how unethical they are acting?
When was the last time u patronisingly discussed other peoples choices?

Guilty as charged.

Sorry everyone. I keep forgetting that I hate it as much as everyone else. Ill try to refrain myself.


ps: I cannot resist Subway cookies and Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies from Coles. Oh and Arnott Shapes. Gah. That explains the tembamness. Pergh.



Who killed the icons?

Sheera did. She overused the nose digging bapok looking emoticon on msn until it jammed n wouldnt send any of her messages. Sorry Dirah. Thats why I tak reply msg u. :D

Is making Indomie for sahur too precarious? Yumz.



Im such a sap. I just read Yaya's n Erin's blogs. About how they spent their spring break with the people they love the most here in Sydney. At first i just went 'Aww'. Then my eyes started to water. Then BOOM, the floodgates opened.

I missed spending time at the beach with my friends on that fateful Saturday. I missed out being able to go out and have fun jumping around and walking on and on and laughing out loud sampai nak pecah perut (OOOPPPSS..sensitive sket).

But I did get to lepak with my friends. Even if I could only walk at 5kmph. The ones I love. The ones who have proven that they love me. The ones that brighten up my days.

Sleepin over at the hall. Sahur n berbuka together, while making fun of Wiwi. That time where Jams, Fini, Hawa, May n I were making plans for summer n we were laughing so hard my wounds ached. And Kak Long had to remind us ppl still tgh terawikh kat bawah. Haha. Watchin Khairi make fun of Shuk. Using the walkie talkie to talk to Arif in the next car while Preeveen threatened to keep me awake. Listenin to all of Soya's dirty jokes directed to Shuk. Hearin Afiq and Is laugh from upstairs at 3 am. Sweet sweet memories.

I sayang my frens sangat. Im sorry I keep repeating it. But they've helped me so much, and this is the only way I can repay them. *Huge bear hugs all around*

Labels: Emo, Friends

*sigh*

Its back to classes and assignments. Back to waking up early and sleeping late. Back to making meals and doing housework. I feel bored already.

Im just posting this coz I havent updated in awhile. I havent thought of anything thought provoking to write about. Once I have Ill clue u in on it. Till then. Bear with my boredom.

U knw what? When I close my eyes, I imagine Im sittin by the beach, under a coconut tree. With a mango mocktail on the side table. With one of them curly straws (ish..puasa la..). Its a sunny day and a holiday. I can hear my family splashing in the nearby pool. And Im about to drift away slowly into dreamland while the sound of the waves synchronising with the breeze lulls me to sleep. Nice.

K c ya later! Mwax!

Labels: Rambling, Uni