I'm a box of crayons. I am white, red, yellow and blue.
This post burst forth from a combination of reading old posts and a nice chat with May as we waited for our samples to run on the Electrophoresis gel.
For the past two years of being in Sydney, I've had the wonderful opportunity to be part of two different 'families'. Remember how I used to rant on about how they mean the world to me, how much love I feel for them and etc. Well you see, this year, I've stopped believing in this fantasy.
Not to say it doesn't exist. Of course it does. Just not in my life. Not anymore. It seems like a fantastic notion to hold on to. The same people forming tight bonds meeting up every weekend and expelling affection towards each other over simple things like breakfast and dinner.
May said that even if that were to happen now, which it did a while back, the feelings aren't the same anymore. I agree. I can't place my finger on what exactly it is. Perhaps we've outgrown our family. Like how kids embrace their independence once they're old enough to flee the coop. Maybe we've just outgrown each other, finding comfort in other things, like studies, new families and new hobbies. And no, just 2-3 people does not constitute a 'family'. There's a reason why it worked out well with 8 people. Because you don't concentrate on 1 person for long periods of time and coz everyone's different.
It does hurt actually to see this happening. As much as people make fun of me, it's still hard to stop being such a sap when it comes to this thing. Having people to love and be loved is just something I HAVE to have. It's part of me.
It's okay I think. I'm going to be fine. I'm still here if you need me. I've still got a lot of love to give you. Just stop by and ask okay? I think I've learned to look for love in different places now. New friends, thank you. I've set up new routines that fill up old cracks in the soul. Pancakes on weekends, dinnertime together and grocery shopping with my house mates. In a way, they've saved me. :) Thank you.
Labels: Friends, Housemates, Rambling