Boys are toys
She couldn’t sleep. Her body heaved with every sob. She sat up and pulled her knees up towards her chin. She hated this. She hated feeling this way.
For 2 months now she wouldn’t allow herself to think this way. To bring up the past she tried so hard to push to the back of her mind. She had convinced herself she was fine. Evidently she wasn’t.
After all this while she still wanted him to want her. She knew though, that he never did and thus she was just what? A pawn in his game with a certain lady with whom his true heart lies? So what was she? A distraction that did not work? Coz he sure is working his way to his real goal now isn’t he?
Anger seared through her body. She grit her teeth hard. What the hell was wrong with her? She should know he isn’t worth the tears. SHE SHOULD KNOW. She did. But that didn’t stop her from breaking down. Again. She didn’t allow herself to do so but she knew that this week she had valid reason for the wayward behavior of her emotions. ‘Just this once,’ she thought.
She knew what she needed now. Just a little encouragement. But she knew she got plenty of those already, and when her mind was set on being miserable, that’s all she could think of. How in the world was she going to convince herself that someone better would come along? She was still trying to shake off the surreal fact that she was in love with someone who would never love her back.
She pinched herself as traces of dawn reached her window. She pulled up the covers and commanded her demons to let her sleep. Even if for awhile.
*You know the Mariana Trench? My self esteem is in there somewhere. If you find it, please return it to me ASAP. Preferably b4 my biotech test next Friday. Thanks.
* How the fuck do you LET GO of someone. Dammit. Its not a easy job sial. Why is it that some people can get over their former loves with a snap. And I have to mope for ages. Id rather be locked in a room and asked to tolerate all of Is and Omar’s sengal jokes and even more sengal laughter. Okay. That made me smile. That and the phrase ‘boys are toys’. Actually that made me snort n laugh out loud. :P. See, I feel better already. *sigh*. The power of Liz’s sarcasm and my own inane jokes.
Labels: Boys, Emo, Friends