At the Bottom of the Cereal Box
This saturday night I'll be boarding the plane back to Sydney. Come mid sunday morning I'll be unpacking my stuff in room A Unit 29 Barker's Apartment.
Oh, how I despise transitions. Those moments between vastly different routines. You don't know what to feel; relief that you've got your independence back or sadness at the thought of leaving your loved ones behind. I always end up a wreck a week prior to leaving and a week after I've reached my destination.
I really don't get why every year has to begin on such a devastating note. I'm not blaming anyone. I guess it's just the nature of my life. I suppose eventually it'll resolve into something much more beautiful. I'll go from numb to a plethora of emotions. But till then this void keeps expanding in me.
I think it's pretty common, this feeling of having something missing in your life. It doesn't neccessarily have to be romance or fame or money. I think it's more of a pure unadultered happiness. Finding joy in what you're doing and whatever you possess.
Although I think eventually, it's just a state of mind which you can control. I think at some point in your life, you should realise that stringing all those little notes of happiness is much more important than searching for one big chunk that has eluded you for the most part of your life. What makes you so sure that shedding all those other miniscule aspects in search of the ultimate dream would lead to a higher level of satisfaction?
I may be wrong and I may not be trusted. I will be honest with you and say that maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. I know my life Alhamdulillah is very blessed. And to mope around, crying for what is lost or what is unattainable, seems like a sin and a betrayal to what God has given me. Yet, it still is hard to pick myself off the floor. To stuff the empty spaces with foam, to patch the cracks up with cement.
The thing with me is, I may be strong but I can never do things alone. I need people to lean on. They're my source of strength. Sometimes I can handle things on my own but my innermost core is no match for the love my family and friends willingly give to me. That in itself is a blessing and a reminder that my life is pretty great.
Oh wow. That was an essay that didn't even end with the same topic it started with. I guess I just needed to let it out. I'm not going to apologise for this. It was something I had to do. :)
Labels: Rambling
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