Can youu ever run out of sweetness?
Maybe I'm being absolutely selfish. Actually, if I were to evaluate myself from another persons point of view, I'd say that I AM being selfish. This is because I know that I shouldn't expect so much from people (and because I'm not THAT sweet and not even JUST a little sweet ALL THE TIME).
The reason why I do all these things is not because I want anything in return, I do it because I like seeing them happy and I think they deserve a little sunshine once in awhile. It gets tough though, when I feel like I've been stretching myself too thin. I'm one person and I do these things for many different people. Sure they feel good, but yes, they get a lot from other people as well, so they have a little less love to give to me too. So I'm left feeling shortchanged. I can't expect it to work out in my favour all the time. I know I have NO right to feel unloved or underappreciated, but I do. I don't know why. I love and love. I get half of what I've done in return. It's not that they don't show the appreciation. They say thanks. Sometimes they compliment. But I don't get these surprises in return. Please please, I'm not fishing for anything here. Seriously.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know I LIKE doing these things. I LIKE making people feel happy. But I guess just for today, I feel like it's enough for now. I want but I'm afraid I'll deplete myself of emotions because I put a LOT in these acts. I actually instill my love and feelings in the presents. People may not believe me, what more understand me, so I don't bother explaining.
I wrote this at 5 am. So please excuse the weird subtle emoness. I even went as far as stating that I want to dissapear for at least one day. But that didn't work out because Fini came over to borrow some stuff. And I think I'm goin over later to grab some photos. I need my friends. I like listening to them laugh and help them work out their problems as well.
Please don't read this and think 'my god, quite full of herself isn't she? Ive met her and she isn't that nice and sickly sweet'. I KNOW LA. I'm not trying to portray myself as the trophy best friend. I make stupid mistakes too. This is just me being one hundred percent honest and letting off some burden somewhere. We cool? Thanks.
ps: bloody fire detector is buzzing for no apparent reason and it's driving me INSANEEEE
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