Please someone help me say no. Hawa bought this book about learning to say no. Apparently she said its for me. I think I need to read it. I have to learn to say no to other people if I dont want to do what they ask me to do. I have to learn to say no to myself when I feel the urge to procrastinate. I have to learn to put my foot down and do what I HAVE to do and NEED to do rather than what other people WANT me to do.
I'm sinking back into that hell hole of procrastination, laziness and plain unproductiveness. I dont know what to do. Seriusly. I cant seem to get the willpower or motivation to do my chores and work. The thing is, sometimes I do work up enough enthusiasm to start but then something comes up that distracts me and throws me off my momentum. Then I'd have to work hard again to build up that same level of hype to continue. I hate it. Wastes a lot of time.
Im tempted to be more selfish. Like during summer, I was pretty selfish. All I cared for was being happy and doing what I wanted and needed. It made me feel content and happy but it happened to hurt and irritate other people. Im sure you say its wrong to do that. Im sure you say one shouldn't be selfish. I know if I were selfless and always willing to please and not hurt other peoples feeling, I end up like THIS. Bitter at them and at myself. For no valid reason.
Its a stupid trade off for sure. For some its a no brainer, of course you have to be selfless, its better to hurt than have other people hurt because if you. Yea rite. To others, its always putting your own self first, if you're not happy how can you make other people happy as well? So, what's a girl to do?
It seems to me that I've been thinking more and more about my parents lately. Last year I was relieved to be free of their grips but now, I have the urge to give them random phone calls just to talk about arbitrary things such as my socks and the price of comic books here. Tee hee.
It's funny how last year I sort of tried to distance myself from them, testing to see if I really could live without their constant presence, their tendencies to make my decisions for me and their general rules and punishments. I think now I realise that, no matter how far I go, no matter how old I become, I always WILL depend on my parents to some extent. I will always seek their blessing at least, to do what I want.
I thought that when I went back for summer, Id get pissed and annoyed at their curfews and constant insistence on spending time with the family. But when I actually experienced all of it, it wasn't even half bad. Sure I wished I could've hung out longer at night but considering that I'm almost always never in during the day, I can see why they would want me home by their side and safe. It's also great that they trust me more and give me more space right now. I do hope it goes on and it gets better as the years go by.
Ah well. Even though I miss them to bits and pieces, I'm not bawling and tearing up because of it. Which is probably good. Owh. But I did listen to the Eagles best of album till I fell asleep last night. And of course, that reminded me of Sunday afternoons at home with daddy cranking up their cd while mummy makes him a cup of tea. RINNDUUUUUUUU! kekekeke. Okie. Nite!
ps: I LOVE my hsemates. Thanks for the spaghetti and MnMs and Anzac Cookies!! MWAAAHH! And of course kak long n jams n erin n my gediks for always letting me eat sum xtra food. Sayang krg sgt!
I TOTALLY forgot that ive watched this before. Ive never mentioned it when i list down my fave 80s cartoons but thanks to zek, i had the chance to rediscover it. I used to LOVE this show. I even had a crush on David, the dark, long haired cutie! I STILL think hes cute (as cute as a cartoon character can get). Enjoy!
I should stop being such a geek. I promise Ill post something that actually has some form of substance soon. Mwax!
I am obssesd with peanut butter. I just had some on my banana. Which brings me to the topic of the *jeng jeng* Dancing Banana!
Some of you have seen this emoticon before (especially if u chat with me on msn and are usually the victims of my annoying repetetivities). I just found out that it is from an internet animation called Peanut Butter Jelly time. Apparently the banana dances to the song by the Buckwheat Boyz. Its uber cool and funny! hahaha..
Owh and PBJs are absolutely delish! esp wit dem bananas! nanti imma try havin peanut butter wit strawberry jam. *slurpslurp*
Okay. For once, Im not referring to myself. Ngeh ngeh.
I had a last minute surprise in the form of a ticket to the Beyonce concert at the Acer Arena last night. Owh Mah Gawd! The show was FANTABULOUSSSSSSS!!!! Beyonce is just an AWESOME performer! Her voice! Her moves! (drool drool..ehh..wait. im not supposed to drool am i? Hmm) And even her dancers and band were just STUPENDOUS!!! They are amazingly talented. I especially loved the drum solo. PLUS: they're all NOT THIN! As in their bodies are juicy, fit, and mantaaaappp! (Well, just look at Beyonce and that famous butt of hers. How inspirational. *laughs hysterically*) I have never seen such fantastic showmanship. She really knows how to entertain. Hee. She even sang some of her destiny child songs. Well considering she wrote most of them, I dont see why not.
Ah well. The weekend has been a good one. Most of my weekends are busy. And Im thankful for that. Id rot if I didnt have such amazing and amusing friends to keep me company. Thanks guys for making my life much brighter!!
Easter Break is drawing to an end. Im pretty satisfied with all the activities I've embarked on this past week. Plenty of sleepovers, movies, discussions (as usual), shopping, sightseeing and FOOOOOOODDDDD!!!! Mmg everyday is fat day during the holidays (you can quote me on that).
Well I shall not bore you with the details. Except that whitewater rafting was a BLAST! You guys should try it for those who havent. I was the first one to fall out. Huhu. Kinda scary actually trying to surface but having the waves pull you down anyway. And im pretty tanned now (yea, wouldnt mum be happy bout that *rolls eyes sarcastically*).
And my geek points have been racking up these past few days. I just watched a vid clip of me getting all excited when the Star Wars theme song played during the bridge walk and I started having a light saber duel with Zek. *shakes head in embarrassment*. Dahla just now I got all fascinated when Saiful started giving me a lecture about dinosaurs and their cooling mechanisms. *sigh*.
Anyway, Im off to read more comics before assignments rob me of any fun time. Im just left with The Hard Goodbye and Family Values by Frank Miller from the Sin City collection. Teramat sangat best! *coughGEEKcough*
Hilight of my day: Milking a cow named Lady. Comelllll!!! We had to stroke her first and say hello then we could get behind and milk her. Heeee...
And Ive been eating festival food the WHOLE day. Starting from Movenpick ice cream, moving on to poffertjes (these Dutch pancake like thingys), then snacking on cheese on a stick, after that all the food 'testing' with Zek at the Woolsworth food dome ('sambal' 10++ sdap gilleeeee) which was pretty much my fave part and finally ending the day with some gozleme, a cheese platter, vege chips, strawberries and cream and 2 Darrel Lea chocolates. *gasp* I just realised the extent of my culinary binge. The Horror! I can imagine all the things Syaz wld be muttering rite now..kekekekeke..
We watched the Rodeo and an extreme sports show complete with motorcross racers and stunt drivers. Oooh, and the Lady in the Cannon as well! That was kinda cool. I was quite partial towards the rodeo. I dun relli enjoy watching animals being irritated for entertainment but since cowboys just happen to do that on a daily basis as its part of their job, then I suppose its okay since the animals look pretty fine 3 seconds after human contact stops. The night ended with a spectacular fireworks display. GORGEOUS! I cld actually hear Hawa gasp and whisper 'WOW' in awe..hahahaha..
All in all it was a great day. Im glad I went. I think the showbags je are worth it. Mine are (not surprisingly) filled with food. Ooh and milking Ladyy!!!!!! yayyy! Okie I better go before I pass out..nites!
Please. If you were to watch just ONE movie these holidays, make sure its 300. SUPER COOL. I think there were like 14 of us who watched it 2 nites ago just to kick start the Easter Holidays. I mean the company itself was great but the movie was AWESOME. We came out of the cinema shouting like Spartans and screaming Haaaarrruuuuuuu!!! Creepy sight. ahahahha...To me thr was more to the movie than just fantastic cinematography though I do like the lighting and colouring and how they slowed down the shots (made it easier to fully appreciate the combat scenes). To me, the whole literary aspect to the movie was worth examining as well. Like how there was some foreshadowing, how they played with words. My 2 fave quotes "then we'll fight in the shade" and "..even a God can bleed" and these things actually do take place eventually. Coool! 5 Stars from me! Though the sex scenes were a bit much la kan. And weird usage of animals. (oooooo..siap ade Rhino yang 'macho' tuuuuuuuuuuu :P).
Anyway, Easter break has finally started. So far so good. I hope no mishaps take place. Alright, hope u guys ebjoy ur hols too! HUGS from me to you! Owh n flying kisses as well. ;)
Easter break is creeping up my back. Spaaaaarrttaaaannns here ah comeee!!!!!
I wan my big yellow banana back in Malaysia to come here. I want her to 'pop by over' and gimme a huge hug!!! and polish off the belgian waffles at max brenner (*drroooollll*)
I cant wait for the whitewater rafting trip. I hope I dont chicken out. Pfft.
I REALLY should stop eating all the junk in mah room. dark choccies la. dried fruit la. Shal calls them 'EVIL PAW PAWS'. I agree. I need a distraction. o_o
I want cheap laksa johor (i know kenot eat but i waaaannn) and cheap roti canai ala Rajoos. *sniff sniff* I haterestrictions. I hate having to stop eating what I like. I hateputting on weight. Bloody bloody bloody discipline lacking idiot!!!! Ops. Teremo. Crap if im havin my period can I still go rafting????? 'o_o
Maybe I'm being absolutely selfish. Actually, if I were to evaluate myself from another persons point of view, I'd say that I AM being selfish. This is because I know that I shouldn't expect so much from people (and because I'm not THAT sweet and not even JUST a little sweet ALL THE TIME).
The reason why I do all these things is not because I want anything in return, I do it because I like seeing them happy and I think they deserve a little sunshine once in awhile. It gets tough though, when I feel like I've been stretching myself too thin. I'm one person and I do these things for many different people. Sure they feel good, but yes, they get a lot from other people as well, so they have a little less love to give to me too. So I'm left feeling shortchanged. I can't expect it to work out in my favour all the time. I know I have NO right to feel unloved or underappreciated, but I do. I don't know why. I love and love. I get half of what I've done in return. It's not that they don't show the appreciation. They say thanks. Sometimes they compliment. But I don't get these surprises in return. Please please, I'm not fishing for anything here. Seriously.
I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know I LIKE doing these things. I LIKE making people feel happy. But I guess just for today, I feel like it's enough for now. I want but I'm afraid I'll deplete myself of emotions because I put a LOT in these acts. I actually instill my love and feelings in the presents. People may not believe me, what more understand me, so I don't bother explaining.
I wrote this at 5 am. So please excuse the weird subtle emoness. I even went as far as stating that I want to dissapear for at least one day. But that didn't work out because Fini came over to borrow some stuff. And I think I'm goin over later to grab some photos. I need my friends. I like listening to them laugh and help them work out their problems as well.
Please don't read this and think 'my god, quite full of herself isn't she? Ive met her and she isn't that nice and sickly sweet'. I KNOW LA. I'm not trying to portray myself as the trophy best friend. I make stupid mistakes too. This is just me being one hundred percent honest and letting off some burden somewhere. We cool? Thanks.
ps: bloody fire detector is buzzing for no apparent reason and it's driving me INSANEEEE
A dash of Disney, a sprinkle of pop punk, lashings of sweet treats, a pinch of superheroes, bundles of laughter and a tinge of crankyness.
All wrapped up in a pretty package that resembles the Cookie Monster.
Also self proclaimed Princess of Le Cupcake Kingdom
People I love. Music. Sweet treats. Singing animals. Movies. Princes. Books. Fables. Hindustan Heroes.
Sinks my Ship
Rude people working in hospitality and sales. Long queues. Idiots CUTTING long queues. People who Patronise.
Wishlist
To finally figure out what I'm meant to do. To travel the world. To eat anything without gaining ungodly amounts of weight. To get my happily ever after. :)
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