My days are empty
I think I know wat my problem is. Im agitated at the thought of goin home. Im even more agitated at the thought of spending time here WAITIN to go home.I think I know why. Its coz everyones gone. Well most of thm are. I have that impending doom of lonliness creeping up on me next week. Im already bored now. Watched the Notebook last nite. Shed a few tears. Love like that does not exist in the real world. Wat does exist is infidelity and lust. I thought I knew wat love was. I thought ive FELT it. But hm. Im not too sure now.I just want to go home and go out. I want to eat without worrying about putting on weight. I want to cry and cry and cry coz i feel like sumthin hurts. I juz dont know wat and why.
Juz read sumones blog abt hw u can never 4get ur 1st love. I think its true. It creates lotsa problems tho. Hmm. Now, what if your 1st love didnt actually love you? You thought they did but maybe not as much as you would have wanted. Pergh.
Tremendo Culo
I stared at the weighing scale in disbelief. What the f**k? Did I really gain THAT much weight? Okay. I understand. With the amount of food I’ve been stuffing myself with and the lack of exercise due to abdomen cramps (I swear it’s true, I can get muscle cramps where my appendix used to be just by trudging up d stairs with a week’s worth of laundry). But Owh-my-gawd. That amount in one month CANNOT be possible.I know there’s the whole Energy balance we have to adhere to. Like how when something loses energy, something else gains the same amount of energy and the cycle goes on universally. What I’m thinking is, why did I have to have that extra energy in me (stored as FAT) when it could pretty well be used to generate electricity to third world countries or to nourish children in Sudan. I’m not being ungrateful. Alhamdulillah Allah gives me plenty of food and other forms of energy. But I guess gluttony is one of my biggest sins. Hmm. I need to control my food intake. And perhaps find a better way of spending my money. Hmph.That’s it. No more late night snacks okay, Preeveen? Don’t Make Me Eat Anymore Than Im Supposed To. If I don’t take in energy, perhaps somewhere, someone else more deserving of it will be able to secure it for their own purposes. I hope it makes sense.
ps: Exams are over! Shopppppiiiiiinnnnggg!!!!!!!
Last Nite I dreamt of San Pedro
One More Day. Then finish exams. Tee Hee. Then movies and chocolates. And road trips. And Malaysia. *sigh* I wana hug my adik and tug at his earlobes. I can bet it'll only take 5 mins after that for him 2 start annoying me though. Can't wait! haha.Im tired of studying. Im studying but Im not focused. Im scared Id get overconfident (again) and I screw up (again). Pergh. But I'm so tired. Not because Ive been studying like hell. More like coz I want it all to end fast. I hope I can answer all the questions and I hope Ill be focused enough to finish the paper on time. WHAT THE HELL AM I RAMBLING ABOUT. Crazy woman. C'est pas ma faute. It's the stress and the fact that everyone else has finished their exams. yea rite. Blame everything else. Oui, c'est ma faute. GRRRR. Tolong doain ya? Makasih.Bonferroni here I coooommmeee!!!!!!ps: watch Heroes. I love love love it....:D. N fazi, Mohinder reminds me of you. Ngeh ngeh ngeh.
Are you from an island, girl?
Current mood: Guilt. Im guilty for loving some friends too much. And im guilty for loving some of them too little. :(. Maafin gw ya...Im also guilty for not studying. Hands down this is the worse shape Ive been academically. Fo this sem or year at least. ARGGGGHHH..okok..relax. lepas Maghrib le study.. Current thoughts: Is it Karma when u get ignored by ur best fren because he spends more time with his gf coz he used to ignore his ex girlfriend because he spends more time with you? :D
Current song: Wine for me by R Kelly, Sean Paul n Akon. I looovvveee!!! Even tho its very kinky n i dun understand wat sean paul is muttering. Haha..Oh n also The 1st Cut is the Deepest. Its the perfect excuse for people who dont let anyone else in coz they havent gotten over their ex. Hahahahaha..Current cravings: Jakarta. Satay padang depan rumah Auntie Mela at Rawasari or the one at the gerai in front of dat shoppin mall in Medan. Shopping. Max Brenner. Summer dresses. Money. Elizah Adam and Norfaezah Hasim. Williams. Pedicures.
Lessons learned
Lesson of the day: Expect the Unexpected.Example 1: Just because you have covered all your notes once and have done the past years, does not mean that you will ace the exams. You will still be stuck in a rut trying to answer questions that you have gone over meticulously at 2 in the morning.Sub lesson 1.1: DO NOT BOAST ON HOW MUCH YOU HAVE STUDIED AND THINK THAT YOU ARE ELIGIBLE FOR A BREAK BECAUSE THESE THINGS WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS.Example 2: Just because your first impression of someone is already imprinted in your brain, does not mean that that person will not change your mind about them once they’ve let you in their comfort zone.Sub lesson 1.2: PEOPLE SHOULD GET SEVERAL CHANCES AT SHOWING YOU WHAT THEY ARE REALLY LIKE BECAUSE THEY MIGHT JUST SURPRISE YOU AT HOW AWESOME THEY REALLY ARE.Allah gives you his trials, rewards, punishment, and blessings in many unexpected ways. You’ll never see it coming, and I personally can’t sometimes tell even after receiving them. I guess my personal note to myself would be to be more humble and open and try to correct my mistakes. It may seem simple but its friggin hard. Ah well. Its worth a shot though. Hee.
Guilt free open houses
My feet are killing me. I cant believe even kitten heels can make my foot pads whine in agony while I trudge up the hill back to Uni.
Just had attended 2 opn houses today. And no, I do not think good food and good company is a waste of time. Especially if the food is home cooked, and something I've been craving for the past month. Besides, it's still raya weh. Well, even if I do feel I deserve the break, I hope my exams don't suffer just because of this. :D
Ah well. I'm off for that nice cold shower I've been looking forward to since i got assaulted by flies while polishing off my 2nd bowl of laksa johor (delish!). And then it's back to studying! Whopeedoooooo!!!!
ps: I like how amir hafizi talks abt sex and what actually constitutes as being 'sexy'. Something abt how its not how big ur 'assets' are, but more of being capable and being good at something hard, like complex mathematical equations. Yup. I do find that quite sexy.
pps: does anyone remember this?
Of vices and sins
This is a repost. Since I lost my first one. Unless it suddenly pops back up again. Excuse the delusion.
I was reading the datin diaries yesterday and it was fun seeing Malaysian life thru someone else eyes. A high-class life no less, filled with Dior skirts and Bodegas. As I read each post, talks about champagne, martinis and sexual encounters out of wedlock permeated my brain. I can’t really say that I was shocked. It was something expected of someone of such status with immense resources and time. I was still confounded though at how shamelessly she spells it out. Now, I’m not a bigot and I’m not gonna go around preaching coz I know I’m not morally upright either. It just puzzled me that talks of Chardonnay and having affairs with Datuks were so common. Maybe Im just naïve. Heh.I then realized that these social vices weren’t restricted to just the high class society. I know of people from my circle of friends who participate in such extracurricular activities. Of people who are regulars at Luna Bar, who enjoy Vodkas and who think one night stands in a club’s toilet are a good idea of fun. I also have heard of people from lower class backgrounds who do these things as well albeit in a less costly sense. Of rempits and their racing prizes. It’s pretty wide spread I suppose. But considering the way I was brought up, and the values my family (this includes my grandparents and my auntie) instilled in me, these things still mystifies me. Like I said, I’m probably naïve.Just because its wide spread and common, doesn’t mean that it’s right though. We all still have to face the consequences sometime in the future. Please, I’m not being hypocritical. I’m just pointing out the facts. If you can’t deal with it then don’t bother.There was something else I read about. One of the comments on her blog was from a mother who was going thru a dilemma about what she should tell her daughter about sex. She knows that even if she tries to stop her daughter, she’d do it anyway. Hmmm. Its kind of scary thinking about it. If u mention anything, your daughter might think that it’s okay to do so but if you don’t say anything she’d still do it anyway. Maybe the least you could do is remind her to use protection, but even that would suggest the normality of the act. Its tough being a mom. I wonder if my mom worries about me and whether or not I’ve had sex. Hmm. Let’s not go there.I guess I’d sum it up. I’m probably one of those tolerant Muslims. Ones who have nothing against sinners (or who probably sins too), just sins. I know I can do better. We all can. But maybe for now, this is better for me.
Laminate my thoughts
Why do ppl have to make things more complicated then they already are?Like why do u have to say 'not undifferentiated' when u can just say 'differentiated'. Why do u have to add extra words and syllablles? To make urself look more literate? Right.Im complaining coz my bio lecture notes look more like novel manuscripts rather than notes with point form important info. Theyre all filled with long sentences that somewhat showcases the author's talent at stringing statements 2gether and punctuating them with witty remarks and intellectual words. Crap. I think I just described my blog. haha.Maybe Im just tired. And in dire need of motivation. And a huge hug. Can my adik come and let me pinch his cheeks before he sets off to Jakarta for uncle Donni's wedding? Guess not. Hmm.Ah well. Complex ion equilibrium awaits! Off I go to consume some chemistry!!Current weather: cant decide between rain or shine.Current craving: mango ice cream.Current fantasy: making out in d back seat of a car.Current reality: piles of notes and studying materials for the next 2 weeks.ps: Hah! Padan muka smua org baca Datin Diaries time exam!! *insert evil laugh*
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